A Day In The Life Of a MILF

Prepare Yourselves...

2006-10-12T12:35:00.000-07:00

since i've been gone for a minute, i'm thinking y'all need an update of sorts, riiiiiiiiight?

for those of you on myspace and read my blogs (miguel, nev... ok just miguel and nev...oh shit and nique, can't forget the dope ass chick!) just humor me for a minute, there's other people that wanna read my shiz...LOL

anyway, here's some of the material that was written that i failed to post here as well.

(*drum roll please*)

Guess Who Came To Dinner??

well, actually she cooked the damn dinner.

it was none other than *drum roll please* "na na".

ya'll remember her right?...to refresh your memory, here . it's quite comical. if you're too lazy to click on the link, let's just say that the chick's proffession isn't what we girls dream of when we're little. there's nothing wrong with what she does to survive and i seriously have nothing against anyone's hustle, but the bitch is retarded!

moving on...

so i come home from my long day at work. *BTW, that was sarcasm cause my ass didn't get there til lunch time* and they're sitting watching "the matador". so i engage in minmal conversation as i speak with my friends, mr. kettle one and mr. red bull.

my friend bobby brought the movie over the other night so we could watch it. while i'm watching the movie, i ask him, "why is this movie called the matador?" cause james bond (pierce brosnan) and the talk soup (greg kinnear) guy's character ain't even close to a matador. he says, "i don't know." then i catch on to the reason for it's title. there's this scene in the movie where the characters are at a bull fight and pierce tells greg that the matador kills the bull with honor when he does it in one pierce to the head rather than jabbing the bull numerous times to death. and that's exactly what pierce does in the movie, assasinates people by contract, but kills them with just one shot. get the metaphor now? ok, seriously, moving on...

as we're sitting watching the movie, it was almost the end, and i ask them, "do you guys get why this movie is called the matador?" i explain to them the scene that they saw earlier and they all respond with the, "ohhhhhhh!"

then this is the best part of the night y'all.

"na na" says (in her squeaky ass voice), "that's why i didn't buy this movie cause it's called the matador and i thought it was gonna be about bulls and killing bulls and i didn't want to see all of that."

what.
the.
fuck.

bwahahahahahahaha...

then nevin looks @ me and says, "so um, you didn't want to see the movie contact cause you thought it was gonna be about contact lenses?"

i looked away and was dying of laughter inside cause i know he wasn't speaking to me, he was talking to her dumbass. and she's so dense that she didn't even catch on that he was talking shit about what she just said.

dammit that shit was funny.

dinner was pretty good though, i mean, you gotta have something going for you when you're a dumbass.

Fuckety, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!

ok. i love my homey por vida, BUT...

this mutha fucka done smoked my LAST cigarette 2 (maybe 3) days in a row. then and then i had this pack of shitty non-menthol cigarettes that another homey mistakenly bought, but for smoking purposes, i'll smoke the shit. i rather not, but hey, when you're desperate you'll smoke anything...well anything but crack. so there was ONE of those fucking cigarettes left, i go outside to smoke cause he's pressuring me to call my girl to see if she wants this shit we're tryna get rid of. i start calling her and start my trek to the balcony, guess fucking what???
that mutha fucka smoked that one too!!!

oooooooooooh... alls i could do was scream "i hate you." he then calls me on the celly (we live in the same house mind you) and tells me to keep the noise down.

what.the.fuck?

bwahahahahahahaha

oh and i didn't tell you the best part yet... he said he QUIT smoking, or tells people he doesn't smoke. shhhhhhhhhhhhiet, he smokes the HELL out my cigs man. oh and then he tells me he does it to "teach me a lesson"... "never buy just ONE pack of cigs." again........

what. the. fuck?

oh wait, there more. he has a pack of cigs in his car. i tell him to get it for me. this mu'fucka doesn't want to even walk downstairs to go get it.

ughhhhhhhh! i wanna choke him in front of jesus!!!

asshole.

but i still heart you.

fucker.

that is all.

Thanks...but NO fucking Thanks! (but i appreciate ya!)

i'm not tryna sound ungrateful, i'm not even tryna sound "princessy"... but i am seriously getting a little tired of my f r i e n d s (see how i use that term oh so loosely?) tryna hook me up... SCRATCH THAT... pimp me out.

is it so hard to believe that i AM really happy at where i'm at right now? do they not understand that i DON'T need to be "involved" to be happy? is it so hard to believe that i truly do not need a "man" to validate who i am?

i know who i am and i know what i am. i am confident at that.

i also know what i deserve. and it ain't that.

where the fuck is this all coming from you ask?

well, i have many friends, female and male. most of my female friends (even some of my male friends) ALWAYS try to "introduce" me to someone who they think would be "good for me". some of the folks i already know, even hung out with before, BUT... and i say fucking BUT, that does not mean that i want to "hook up" just cause i'm a single monster.

for example, my girl who i've known like almost my entirefuckinglife, ALWAYS tries to hook me up with her dude o' the day/night's homeboys. i'd hang out just to be the "wing...er...woman" but i'm just there for support. really i am. but she tries to feed my ego by saying these things that the homeboy has said. shit don't work on me hoe. like i said before. i know who i am and i know what i am. tell me something i don't know, thanks. then she gives me the, "c'mon girl. stop being so bougie. he's feeling you. he's cool as hell." um, yeah... he's cool... but so is ice... and i ain't finna stick ice cubes up my pussy.

so in closing, thanks girls/guys. but i don't need help. i'm not dating anymore anyway.

BUT...

if and when i choose to "hook up", i'm sure that i'll say something. i'm blunt like that.

...yup!

so your brain doesn't go on overload, i'll post more later.

i know, y'all missed me huh? *tear*...thanks!

it's been a long fucking time...

2006-10-03T01:44:00.000-07:00

...hey people.

i know, i know. i've been neglecting the blogger community for about 4 months or so.

i have a REALLY good reason though. for real.

i've been spending most of my time online on that crack addicting site called myspace, cause seriously, i connect with a lot of the people i actually call my "friends".

i started posting blogs there (on myspace) cause basically, i'm a lazy bitch and didn't want to post in 2 places, coupled with the fact that blogger started trippin' all of a sudden and was doing maintenance or some shit or another during the times that i felt compelled to write shit. and y'all KNOW i'm a conservationist, so i chucked up the dueces to blogger for a minute.

but, and i say fucking BUT... i've come to realize that there are waaaaaaaaaaay too many people on myspace and with my painful, but truthful observations, they too may know the folks i be talking shit about. so to avoid conflict and confrontation or a serious ass whoopin', cause seriously this island is so small 6 degrees of separation doesn't exisist, i am gonna start writing here as well... AGAIN.

if you wanna read some of the past shit that's been happening in my exciting life, (ok i tried to link my myspace page, but cause i've been away for so long i can't seem to remember how... but here's the damn link... http://www.myspace.com/caramel_milf) and send me a message to add you as a "friend", cause most, if not ALL of it is "friend" only accessible (unless you know my last name, and i HIGHLY doubt that you do).

so anyway, welcome me back bitches.

that is all.

A Pedicure, Fish Sauce and Feel Good Expressions...

2006-07-09T22:24:00.000-07:00

yesterday i went to get a pedicure. seems like a pretty normal thing for a princess to do right? yeah... that's what i thought.

so i enter the door of the non speaking engrish establishment, and the mama (damn they're everywhere huh?), asks what i need done. i tell her "pedicure". she then points in the general direction of where the spa pedicure chairs are, and says to one of the dudes, "ngo nga wen"... ok i made that shit up... she says "peh-day-kyooa" and skeedaddles him to his hustle. as i'm following him to the chair, he asks me how i'm doing, what's my name... you know basic questions. i mean, i've been to this establishment many o' times, but i've never had this dude fix my feet or hands.

so i get to the chair, start the vibration (no pun intended) and of course they be tryna upgrade all kind of shit while you're sitting in the chair... french manicure, additional $5 ($7-$10 in some other "uppity" places)... flowers/nail design, additional $5 per nail... manicure, $12... fill... you get the point. so i tell dude, i just want the francais por favor. so he started the pedicure did the basic filing, cutting, shaping, scraping, pumice stoning, etc. then came the massage...

why was this dude giving me the "feel good expressions" while massaging my feet? and why was he smiling (with teeth) when doing it? all he had left to say was, "do you like that? harder? deeper? does that feel good?mmmmm, say my name!"...and i woulda been through! the teeth alone gave me the creeps, and the smell of fish sauce in the air was not going well with his sex face.

don't get me wrong, the massage was spec-fucking-tacular... but the whole seduction scene i coulda lived without.

Where In The Fuck Is Jack???

2006-07-06T17:13:00.000-07:00

i've been trying to find my friend "jack" for a minute now. i've searched everywhere for that asshole and he ain't nowhere to be found. he supposed to be where i leave him last, i KNOW i didn't move him, so where the hell is he? i swear even when you're "man" is not a living being, he still can't follow directions!

the last time this shit happened, i left my other "man" ("the rabbit" -from sex & the city, you gotta see the episode to appreciate the name) by my window sill and my wise ass homey tells me, "well maybe he hopped out the window"...yeah the mu'fucka is making jokes while i'm having a fucking crisis!

so now i have no other recourse but to take my ass to the store and get me another one.

but i'm lazy.

anyone want to get me another one?

I'm Just Sayin'...

2006-07-05T00:42:00.000-07:00

i think i'm a funny bitch. well, witty is more the word for it. i can battle words/jokes/stories with the best.

but you know what i hate?

when you tell a joke or say something witty, and the person you're telling it to doesn't get it.

and you CAN'T explain it, cause the moment has passed.

and it's not me, really it isn't...cause i can talk to a whole 'nother person and say the EXACT same thing and they'll get it.

i guess i should stop hanging out with busters huh?

No Shit Talking = Disappointment

2006-07-04T19:15:00.000-07:00

so i know you guys are dying to hear about felisha. i haven't posted nan'none about her for a hot minute. but seriously, this will be disappointing.

really it is.

so we went out last night to the "i-don't-even-know-why-they-call-it-this-cause-the-bitch-closes-at-1-AND-they-shut-off-the-AC-to-get-drunk-bitches-out" all nighter @ hickam. rolled with the usual folks. but one of them folks was REALLY drunk before we even got there... but that will come later.

so while we're there, in walks felisha.

and hot doggy, she gots on a totally new outfit! i mean... down to the shoes new! the only thing that was the same was those tired ass stunna shades she's been wearing to the club lately. but i must admit, she did look semi cute. she even had a non-bootleg baby phat belt on. ooooooooh and guess what? she had a drink in her hand. AN ALCOHOLIC DRINK!

i guess she got the memo on the broked-ness behavior clause.

so there's the update... i told y'all you'd be disappointed. can't clown on someone that doesn't deserve to be.

More Random Thoughts...

2006-07-03T16:41:00.000-07:00

friday night was comical.

i saw D4L and dem franchize boyz @ pipeline.

you think i'm lying huh?

ok, ok... i am. but them mu'fuckas dressed like them, walked (in a pack) like them, leaned with it, rocked with it, did the "snap" dance... in line, was thinking to themselves: "oh i think she likes me", AND looked just as ugly as them fools did. from the white stunna shades to the gold teef-asus!! i think one of them even had a fur coat on.

"i wanna da-nah-nah (OH!) cuz you so thick" -laffy taffy (D4L)

ok, i was kidding about the fur coat. i woulda been THRU if i saw dude with a fur coat on in a club... IN HAWAII!! you KNOW i would have pictures of that fool.

OMG... nevermind. i did see a dude with a black fur coat, pimp hat, gold teefs and a bad perm up in zanzabar one night.

no, i don't have pictures.

i was laughing so hard i almost peed.

i couldn't even look at him in the eye. had to use the peripherals.

speaking of "pimps"... why is it that every 3 or 4 card carrying members of "i wanna look like i got cheese but i really ain't got shit" folks had bottle service on friday night?

for you slow fucks, that means... why was these fools carrying around their champagne glasses and bottle of "mo-debt" in their hands walking around the club to front like they got cheddar instead of being real hood and just having a god damn seat?

everywhere you go, you see the same hoes!

someone texted me last night @ 2:33 am, "u ain't in the club tonight"

"you can find me in the club, bottle full of bub. look mami i got the X if you into taking drugs. i'm into having sex, i ain't into making love. so come give me a hug if you into to getting rubbed." -in da club (49 cent)

what.the.fuck?

can't a bitch stay home sometimes?

thing is, i don't know who it was that text'd me.

nextel sucks ass, it doesn't say who it's coming from.

as a matter o' fact wiseass-that-texted-me-during-fucking-booty-call-hours i was home on saturday night too sucka!!

yup. you read right. i stayed home.

went to a bbq on saturday. (thanks for the invite PIT) had some hella good grub. listened to some music and played some cards.

whatchu know about that?

oh there was this dude that was friggin' hilarious... he was kinda cute too.

he said my eyes were "slanty".

um hello? i'm asian.

i think he was tryna say i was looking buzzed.

if he only knew.

"i can tell you ain't just another bitch I met, ain't nobody got me open like this, not yet. you confused ain't decided which way you should go yet, so how you keep sayin no with yo panties so wet." -why you wanna (that's just my baby daddy, T.mutha fucking I.)

speaking of "buzzed"... i was sooooo buzzin' on friday night.

people were talking to me, and i saw their mouths moving, i was nodding my head to everything they were saying, but i swear there was NO sound coming out of their mouths.
you would call that "buzzed" right?

ok, getting back to saturday... yeah i switch gears without letting people know.

i watched love jones for the 1222654wa858896lk25468 time.

that movie never gets old.

"shouldn't i realize, you're the highest of the high. 'N if you don't know then i'll say it, so don't ever wonder. don't ever wonder. so tell me how long, how long it's gonna take until you speak baby. 'cause i can't live my life without you here by my side" -ascension don't ever wonder (maxwell)

oh... and i watched old school.

you know... to balance the feeling-all-alone-on-saturday-night-and-i-am-watching-this-never-gonna-happen-to-me-love-fucking-jones movie.

yeah, i'm a true libra folks... gotta have that "balance".

went to the beach on sunday.

dammit i was burning out there.

it felt like i got stuck in the oven for a minute....or five.

then my "electic" friend told me i looked red when he came over.

yeah... thanks.

but i still think i is sexy!!

"i'm too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat, poor pussy poor pussy cat." -i'm too sexy (right said fred)

i know you think i is too "friend"... LOL

oh yeah... one word... "spec-fucking-tacular".

35 more days 'til chicago....call me teej!

oh and if you're wondering... i'll be out tonight suckas!!

does that mean you can text/call me at 2 am?

NO!!

Hella Random Thoughts

2006-06-29T14:31:00.000-07:00

i'm going to erykah badu tonight... should i call tyrone?

i hate going out with broke "f r i e n d s". (see how i'm using that term oh so loosely?)

if you know your ass is broke, why do you continue to wanna be out?

stay your ass at home!!

"I'm just goin' and I'm flowin' like a gigolo/and when I used to be with Scott, I was a Super-Hoe"

the whole "you get the first round and i'll get the next" is the biggest damn hustle... cause after you buy the heifer that drink she ain't nowhere to be found!

"who they attractin with that line, "what's your name, what's your sign"?/soon as he buy that wine i just creep up from behind/and ask what your interests are, "who you be with"?/things to make you smile, what numbers to dial/you gon' be here for a while, i'm gon' go call my crew/you go call your crew/we can rendezvous at the bar around two"

should i feel bad about not picking up my homegirl last night? ...nah

i'm not being evil, here's my defense: i wasn't the one driving. i asked my girl if it would be alright if we pick my other homegirl. she said ok. when we left the house i called her... no answer. when we were 5 minutes away from her exit, i called her...again no answer. right before the cut off i called her... AGAIN, no answer. then when we're in town, she calls me back saying come back to get her... is she nucking futs?

"a scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me/hanging out the passenger side/of his best friend's ride/trying to holler at me"

oh and then this heifer is gonna get mad when i tell her we ain't coming to get her, is she just driving her happy ass here? she told me "hell fucking naw" with a pissy attitude... "ho sit down!" ... you're the one that wanted a damn ride!

is it normal for a guy NOT to nut almost everytime you have "relations"?

last night was spec-fucking-tacular.

"drunk as hell but no throwin up/half way home and my pager still blowin up/today i didn't even have to use my A.K./i got to say it was a good day "

maybe that's why i'm sleepy.

what should i wear tonight?

should i just go shopping?...nah that's manic

i seriously need to clean my car.

i'm still wondering what they put for hair color on a bald man's driver's license.

if a tree falls in a forest does it make a sound?

who fucking cares... if you ain't in the forrest why are you even worrying about it?

speaking of forrest... "dear god make me a bird, so i can fly away, far way from here" -jenny

dammit, i wanna be like forrest, he falls into a pile of shit and still comes up smelling like a rose.

...that's a southern saying.

here's a few more...

"i may run and jump, but i don't play"

"that's as messed up as a soup sammich"

"i'm so broke, i'd have to fart and put it in my pocket just to have a (s)cent"

those all came from my double wide trailer owner friend, kim back in GA.

that chick cracked me up. she was the most honest chick i knew.
dammit i need a nap!

i'm going to chicago...YAY!!

that's the last city on my "cities to visit list"

...yeah i have a fucking list!

"recognize game im'a lay mines down/im a big girl i can handle myself/but if i get lonely i may need your help/pay attention to me i don't talk for my health/i want you on my team/so does everybody else"

oh my girl "PIT" is looking for some good pipe... does anyone know someone that lays a good pipe? buahahahahahaha, dammit i should quit my day job!

is it friday yet?

Did I Do That???

2006-06-27T21:46:00.000-07:00

today i had a late lunch. i really wasn't that hungry but knew i had to eat something.

as i'm driving, i can FEEL someone staring at me. you know when you use the peripherals and feel theat of the death ray? yeah, i could feel it... so i look to my left and i see the driver of this semi STARING me down. like, "can i have your number, let's go to dinner" stare. i made eye contact with him for about 5 seconds, so it musta been a longer period that he was looking @ me. it was pretty uncomfortable, so i look back on the road to continue with my search to find my lunch and what do i hear?

beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.... screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech... swerrrrrrrrrrrrrrve!

this semi goes into the next lane almost killing this little hyundai!

luckily, there wasn't any traffic so no one got hurt.

but was that all for me?

ok... i'm feelin' myself now.

Pimpin' Ain't Easy

2006-06-23T20:40:00.000-07:00

after yesterday's debacle, i had to get a friggin' drink.

being that my day went shittily, i asked my homegirl "pit" to go with me to get some happy hour drinky drinks. she obliged and we met up at the shack.

i've been to the shack on several occasions, but happy hour is where it's at yo! there were many o' fine people to look at and it was crowded. i guess everyone was having a choke a bitch day drink.

anyway, we got there and of course we order our drinks and it was around dinner time so we order some grub. well, just appetizers... but we needed some sustenance if we were gonna drink. so then i get a call from another homegirl... she asks me if i'm @ the shack. i tell her that we are. i ask her how does she know i'm here. she tells me her boy "roy" saw me so he called her. at this point i'm feeling a little guilty cause i didn't invite her, but shit, she lives on the other side of the island, a good 40 minute drive and i figured she didn't want to drive that far for some happy hour activities. anyway, i tell her to call her boy "roy" to buy me a drink. she hangs up. calls me back and tells me that my drink is on it's way.

that's what i'm talkin' about. "it's hard out here for a pimp."

i walk over to "roy" and his folks and tell him thanks for the drink, blah, blah, small talk, blah, blah... and then my phone is ringing, thank you jesus, i don't have to chit chat with them too long. when i answer my phone, it's my homegirl and she tells me she's on her way. i was like, um... ok... if you wanna drive this far.

so after about an hour or so of us ordering drinks and people buying us drinks, here comes my other homegirl. she catches up with us and we order more drinks.

then in walks hulk hogan's brother. he's smitten with my girl "pit". hulk hogan's brother is the whitest of white people, but he's kinda you know... thinks he's "down"? my girl "pit" is puerto rican/black. she so not into pink dick.... but that's another story... anyway, the first thing that comes outta hulk hogan's brother's mouth is, "my ex-wife is black." so you know my head starts spinnin' $$. so when he goes where ever he goes to order OUR drinks, i tell "pit" to be nice and work her little magic so we can get some free drinks and shit. she's reluctant, but obliges.

at the end of the night, we get our friggin' tab... it's $96!! what.the.fuck?? i thought it was happy hour!!! so of course both of the girls are saying "i got $5 on it"... that would leave me with the rest plus a tip for the fine-better-looking-than-kobe-i-would-rock-your-fucking-world-even-though-i'm-10-years-older-than-you waiter! i was NOT tryna hear that bullshit. i already dropped $30 earlier... so i tell the 2 girls they best work hulk hogan's brother cause i ain't finna drop shit else.

so after a few coaching from the master (um... that would be ME), they got hulk hogan's brother to pick up the tab.

...i guess some pimpin' is eazay

Choke a Bitch Thursday

2006-06-22T22:14:00.000-07:00

today i woke up late. i'll give them that.

why does this concern the blog? well, today i was scheduled for a CPR/First Aid recertification for my job... i mean "career"... and my ass got up late. so i get a 8:45 am phone call, as i'm rolling over in my bed to answer, the HR chick tells me that i am supposed to be in training today. i ask her, "can't you schedule me for the next class?" she tells me NO cause the class needs a minimum of 8 people. so i'm like alright, i'll be there in 20 minutes.

5 minutes later i get a call from the i-don't-know-what-the-fuck-she-really-does-but-she-sure-does-get-paid "office administrator" telling me my ass was supposed to be in the class, where the hell am i at. i tell that ho to sit down, i'll be there in 15 minutes.

so i stroll in to the class @ 9:15 am (the class started @ 8:30 am). with my stunna shades, kangol hat and jeans cause i know that i'ma have to be doing some "exercises" on the ground. as i'm looking around the damn room, i start counting folks... there's 8 fucking people already in the damn class. i KNOW them bitches weren't pressuring me to be there and making me feel bad cause my ass was late... but i joined in anyway.

when i get to the class, this "instructor" is reading from the book VERBATIM. what.the.fuck? i know how to read... we all know how to read... why in the fuck are we reading this ver-fucking-batim? so of course the flag gets dropped and i say to myself, "oh shit, this is gonna be an anal instructor." i've been through 3 re-certs for this damn class and every instructor is cool. they always ask the class if we've been through the bullshit before and then gives us the option of just watching the video and taking the test. all of us in the mental health profession KNOW that time is fucking valuable and we don't have time to watch videos, do the damn breath/compression shit over and over to understand what the fuck we have to do in a crisis. so of course we tell the instructor, let's just show you what we can do then take the test... and the instructor is cool... an HOUR, tops for the class to be over.

so getting back to this anal instructor... not only does she read the book verbatim, she loses her train of thought when speaking so we're finishing her sentences so she can move on cause the bitch won't move on until she gets her point across! oh and then...she makes us watch the fucking video AND do EVERY breath/compression bullshit as the video is going. do you know how many times they do it in the video? first they have a fucking "example" portion... she makes us do that... then they have a "follow me" portion...she makes us do that... then they have a "review" portion... again, we do that... then finally a "you're own your own" portion... yeah we did that one too!! i don't think you understand what the fuck we had to do. that's 4 fucking cycles (2 minutes) of 30 compressions and 2 "breaths"... you get fucking tired doing that shit quick! so i'm fucking pissed.

after i take AND pass the test, i head straight to HR and tell the chick that we should request a different instructor next go 'round. then she asks me, "why?" i give her my good ass reason, then her wise ass is gonna say, "well, it is a 4 hours class." and i tell her, "but this is a re-cert class, it shouldn't be taking this long. most instructors just REVIEW then we take the test... an hour tops for the class." of course when i'm telling her this shit, her boss, the HR director (remember that bitch that told me my shit was "offensive"?) was in her office while i'm throwing my tantrum... then that bitch says, "well, this class is offered as a convenience to employees at no cost. if you would like to PAY for the next class so you can request an instructor to your liking, you're more than welcomed to do so." you don't even know how much control it took me to not choke that bitch. so i say, "well, i'm just sayin'..." i knew that i wasn't finna win that argument so i just threw on the shades and crip walked on outta there.

yup... it's officially choke a bitch day today!

**oh and nev... i know this post is long, but i don't have time to insert fucking pictures and shit... just be happy i'm writing sumfin'!**

This Is For My #1... and #2

2006-06-21T19:12:00.000-07:00

**disclaimer: this post may not be interesting to you if your names aren't mentioned below, so tune in tomorrow and i'll have soemthing for y'all to read.

i have these two homies.

NEVIN , aka homey #1

KHARY , aka homey #2

they feel as though i don't love them anymore cause i don't email them as often as i used to. well, i know i've neglected homey #2 a little, but homey #1... you know i always k.i.t. with you and you's still giving me your bitch moans about it.

but i swear i love them to death.

the friendship scales were totally in my favor, i know they're finna say, "friendships don't have scales", but fuck that... i was homey #1's personal damn assistant for a couple months... shit i'm still doing crap for him while he's deployed. but as of late homey #1 has seriosuly had my back through some shit i've been going through and i will always, always be there for him. even if a big bitch steps to him crazily i will choke a bitch.

i know homey #1 thinks the reason for me not writing him as much is cause he says i'm "smitten"... yeah, ok... i see this one dude... but it ain't even that serious... so stop it! you my f r i e n d, will always be my #1 (khary, second place really isn't that bad...LOL)

i can't wait til them fools come back... i've missed so many things we've done while they were gone. the little things like talks on the balcony, movies nights i'm always late for, starbucks adventures, lunch/dinner @ bravo's or assagio's... not to mention dinner @ ni-nikuya (garlic house), wal- mart experiences, and let's not forget breakfast @ anna miller's after a night of drinking (i have video folks, if you wanna see it... get at me LOL). oh and all the nights we go to the strip bars and they use me as a decoy so chicks won't hit them up for some drinky drinks. yeah, those are the greatest times with the boys.

in the beginning of me and nev's friendship, everyone assumed we were a couple cause we hung out so much and we ARE so much alike... the way we think, the way we act when someone acts a fool... but for the record we're not. we're just cool. a man and a woman can have a strictly platonic relationship, if they're just as fabulous as we are!

i do miss homey #2's "first in line" for some grub ass... he always makes sure the princess is ok wherever we go and i know that if some fool were to step to me in some weird way, he'd fuck the dude up... but he needn't worry himself cause he knows i don't even let it get that far!

so... this is for you guys...

i miss you.

i love you.

and you fucking owe me!!!

Tuesday Ramblings...

2006-06-20T15:43:00.000-07:00

it's been kinda mellow for me right now. nothing really funny happening in my life. i can usually just go to the store and some crazy ass shit will happen. and when it is happening, alls i'm thinking is, dammit i have to blog about this... yeah, i'm a fucking nerd!

well... something weird did happen to me this morning.... kinda. i go to starbucks to get my usual shit. i go to the same stabucks so most of the morning crew knows me. there's this one chick who is the sweetest girl. she greets me personally every morning and she always pushes my drink ahead of the other folks so i can get in and get out, and when she rings me up, she sometimes gives me the hook up price, not to mention she compliments me occasionally, so that's always good to hear. well, this morning i got there kinda late and there was no morning rush of folks so she started to chat it up a little while i was waiting @ the bar. she says to me, "yeah so i got back with my ex." i said, "oh yeah?" but i'm thinking, "um... and this concerns me why? and when did you tell me that y'all broke up? do i even know you well enough for you to even be sharing this kind of info?" anyway, then she goes on to say that he's going to basic training in a week and she's not sure of what will become of her relationship. then i ask her, "um, when did he decide to join the military?" she said, "when we broke up." the conversation carried on for a little longer, but i thought that was the weirdest conversation i've had in a while. i mean, she is sweet, and if she needed a ride or $5 for lunch, i'd prolly give it to her.... but this conversation just came out of nowhere, y'know? i mean... getting back with exes and what the future holds for y'all is a little deeper conversation you have with actual "friends", not with the starbucks barista and customer. i dunno, maybe she just feels that comfortable telling me shit. see, i told you people tell me stuff without me even asking.... LOL

oh something funny did happen on saturday night. me, my girl, and DSBB went to the talib kweli concert and after that was over we went to this club called zanzabar. i think i've mentioned this before, but i kinda don't like that place. it's a little bougie (even for me) and the drinks are hella overpriced. luckily i knew the dude at the door and he hooked me up without the cover charge, cause if i had to pay to get in that bitch, my ass woulda been sleep in DSBB's car. anyway, me and DSBB have a bet. here's the history: he has this one friend, we'll call him "gucci" (oh, BTW the name i chose to call him has nothing to do with his style, his real name kinda rhymes with it). i've met "gucci" on several occasions, even before me and DSBB were cool. everytime i get reintroduced to him, i always have the same thought, "this mu'fucka is gay". he's a little sweet, well, i think he's a lot sweet. he has this voice that has that twang to it that has my gaydar ringing. not to mention he walks with a damn sway. a fucking sway yo! me and DSBB always talk shit about folks when we're @ the club... when they deserve it... and one night, he was talking to "gucci" and after their conversation was over i told DSBB, "yo, your friend is gay man." then DSBB goes on to tell me that the boy has an ass of women that flocks to him. i told him because he's fucking gay and we feel comfortable with him. me and DSBB argue for a minute and i tell him, "well shit, give dude 5 years and i guarantee you that his ass wil come out the damn closet... rainbow shirt and all." so in five years i will be collecting my $100, and i want it all in ones too... ironed so i can roll around and revel in my glory! oh shit, getting back to the story... so anyway, when the night starts winding down i find DSBB and we're hanging out by the dance floor talking about felisha and her sweaty pits (oh shit, that's another thing i forgot to mention... LOL) then we see "gucci" on the dance floor. i swear the brotha is GAY! he even dances with a twang... seriously y'all i can't make this shit up. so as we're watching him dance, we're bobbing our head to the music... watching "gucci" try to get his freak on.... then we realize the boy is about 4 beats off. shit was PURE comedy watching him tryna act all sexy and shit with the haitian chick. to top it off, this chick is so smitten with his gay ass, she doesn't even realize the boy is 4 beats off. then, oh and then the boy BREAKS her belt and puts it around his neck. the belt had hearts and rhinestones or glittery shit or sumfin'. tell me that shit wasn't GAY! that couldn't have been me yo, if he broke my belt... on purpose... it woulda been "choke a bitch" night @ the Z. that's not even the best part... so as we're watching the brotha work his "magic"... the club is closing and i am almost dead with tears watching that shit... the ugly lights turn on and as haitian girl and "gucci" is trying to come off the dance floor, she's having a hard time walking... why you ask? the boy done shoved the belt up her crotch area! i rest my case folks, the boy is GAY!!!

dammit, another thing did happen. i thought this was gonna be a short post, but i guess not. so i'll summarize cause i know y'all are 'bout tired of reading this shit. at the SAME fucking spot on saturday, i meet my homegirl "A" @ zanzabar cause she didn't want to go to the talib concert. as we were walking around, i saw my lunch buddy who i haven't seen for a minute and i stopped to talk to him for a minute. when i ended my conversation with him, "A" started a conversation with this couple we'll call "jungle fever" (they're an interracial couple...duh!). now i know the white girl from another chick that usta date my co-worker, so i stopped and said hello to her and kept it moving. when i met her BF a couple weeks back, they gave me this weird vibe so i told "A" to meet me on the other side. i didn't see her thereafter so i thought she left. the next day she calls me and asks me how i know "jungle fever" i give her the history then she tells me, "did you know that they're swingers? they were tryna take me home last night." i almost fell out. when i met her BF a couple weeks back, while i was talking to the white girl, he was hitting on me at the same time in front of her, which i thought was fucking weird, but hey... to each is own. so "A" tells me, "yeah girl, they told me they tried to pick you up too." dammit, why do i have gaydar and not a swinger locator? that shit is a little more helpful, don't you think?

Felisha, The Mini Series

2006-06-17T21:51:00.000-07:00

ok, ok... i know some of you (nev & miguel) are gonna say some shit like, why are you hanging out with her? for the record.... i DO NOT hang out with her like we call each other and say we're gonna go out and meet @ the club. she happens to frequent the same club i go to and when i see her out i'm gonna say hello. she hangs out with my girl, and most times we gravitate towards the same area.

you think this is gonna be a blog about me talkin' shit about her... but not this time around... it's the other folks that was there that were clownin'! now you know i'ma add my shit as well, but this shit was PURE comedy last night. y'all ready for the story? (i know you are nique...LOL)

so last night we're at the usual place and i see her with the perihperals. so i tell my girl, there goes felisha. so she went to say hello. then i see my boy DSBB. so i go to talk to him for a minute. he asks me if i saw felisha. i said, "yeah. she got something new on" (i know y'all are trippin as much as i was last night). so DSBB tells me that she came up to him and said, "hey DSBB, i look cute tonight huh?" he said he looked straight in her eye for 3 seconds blankly, the looked away, then turned around. LMAO

let me tell you what this chick had on. a black halter, black shorts with a rhinestone belt, and stunna shades. here's where my shit talkin' comes in.... one, the halter was cropped a couple inches too short and i'm pretty sure she's worn that one before, but i could be wrong. two, she was wearing shorts... i mean SHORT shorts. now for most people that wouldn't be a problem right? well, this heifer has an ass full of cellulite bumps on her legs. now, i don't know if the shorts were so tight that it squeezed all the cellulite bumps to her legs, but the shit was a little disgusting. three, SHE HAD STUNNA SHADES ON... at the club. wtf??

my girl brought her camera so she decided to take pictures (no, i am not sharing them with you miguel), every fucking picture she was in she was tryna look "fierce"... all serious and shit. like the stunna shades made her invincible. LOL

the best part of the night was when felisha, my girl and felisha's girl named wanda was standing around and felisha says to my girl, "girl i look cute in my shades tonight huh?"... then wanda says, "them aren't your shades girl. you trippin'." woooooooo, i almost fucking died of laughter.

Waxing On Fridays... Not A Good Decision!

2006-06-17T21:05:00.000-07:00

i'm a fucking dumbass. i went to get my nails done yesterday and instead of just getting my nails done i decide to get my eyebrows waxed as well, you know cause i was already there? might as well right? now i usually don't get my eyebrows done on fridays... why? cause whenever i get my eyebrows waxed, they form and shape it so it looks good... BUT the downside of that is, when they pull off the hairs that are unwanted they obviously have to place some of the wax on some skin so it also rips out all the fucking black/white heads that aren't seen. so now i have these fucking bumps on my eyebrow area and the shit is not pretty! i usually get them done on a tuesday or wednesday so they go down by the weekend... but noooooooo, my dumbass goes and gets it done yesterday! and to top the shit off, i'm planning on going to the talib kweli concert tonight and i'm in this dilemma..... bumps on my fucking forehead. so my resolution to my problem is i'm rockin' a kangol to hide the hideous white/black head bumps from the waxing. i know most of you will think that i'm prolly being superficial... but shit, i don't give a fuck... i ain't tryna look crazy and shit. how am i gonna talk shit about other people when i'm not lookin' stellar?

When It Rains, It Fucking Pours

2006-06-15T19:34:00.000-07:00

today i get called in by my HR director. usually when you get called in by someone from HR that shit means you did something wrong. but when you get called in by the HR director, you done fucked up kid!

so she calls me in and says, "i just want to talk you about something real quick". and in my head, i'm like, "oh shit, what'd i do now?". then she gets up and closes her door. then i'm thinking, "oh hell this shit is serious." then she tells me this:

"it has come to my attention that your choice of attire has not been acceptable as of late. last week i received comments from 'outside' sources saying that some of your wardrobe choices have been quite offensive. and i'm going to have to agree. some of the tops you wear, are pretty low cut and revealing. and i know i've talked to you about this before, but you have toned it down a little. so the next time i receive a complaint or i deem that your wardrobe is inappropriate, i will have to take discplinary measurements."

all i did was sit there, nod my head and said, "ok".

what's even funnier is that the day she calls me in to talk about my "inappropriate" wardrobe, i'm wearing the most conservative outfit i own, almost a turtleneck and shit. what i wanna know is, who the hell is this "outside source" hating on the fucking princess? and another thing, if my boss, THE EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT, ain't on my ass about it, why is this bitch on my dick?

i'm just sayin'...

The "Man" Tryna Hold Me Down...

2006-06-15T17:07:00.000-07:00

whenever there's an upside, there's a downside here @ work.

take today for instance. we finally get our new computers installed. the shit they got for my department is fucking bananas! i'm so in love with my new computer, i may steal the shit when no one's looking. my boss authorized me and my assistant to get 20" flat screen monitors and a super duper fast tower for producitvity (yeah right, we just wanna surf the net faster). the fucking screen has USB ports on the side and it has one of those things that lets you raise the monitor up and down so you can customize it to your liking and how you're sitting. it's so pretty and new i just wanna fuck the shit outta it, that's how disgusting it is! LOL

the downside? the fucking administrator, our tech guy, blocked fucking everything that i need downloaded, well not "need" but want. i can't download messenger. i can't go to some sites. i can't even go to launchcast so i can listen to music during the day. he has the shit on super stealth security mode. i'ma have to talk to him about this shit cause it's causing me to get highly irritated on a day that should be glorious. after 3 fucking years @ this company, they finally get me a new computer that is actually worth something, now i can't do shit with it.

how's that for irony?

Stalking Is A Crime Dammit!

2006-06-15T01:29:00.000-07:00

last week i went to a club called pipeline. on tuesdays they have dollar drinks. i'm all over that shit. so when my girl calls me to hang out and it's tuesday... shit, we're @ pipeline.

when we first got there, it was kinda boring cause the people haven't trickled in as of yet. not to mention my girl wasn't drinking enough. she's hella hilarious and outgoing when she gets her drink on.

i ran in to a few people i knew so i chatted it up for a minute. then my boy D comes strolling on in, i haven't seen him for a minute and we were hella tight about 2 years ago before he decided to get out of the military. needless to say the dude is back in the military and back on the island. so as i was conversing with him and catching up, i can FEEL someone staring me down with the peripherals. so my girl B says, "girl, wassup with dude?" i was into having this convo with my boy so i didn't pay it any attention. then D tells me he gotta start his recruiting, i say alright, holler at me later. then i'm talking to my girl B, then i get this touch on my elbow from someone. guess who it is?

fucking "tim".

i wave hello.

introduce him to B.

then continue my convo with B.

my girl B says, "girl, you are so mean". i tell her, "girl, you just don't know."

so we move to another part of the club by the bar. and he comes over and starts small talk with me and asks me why i smoke "girl cigarettes". um... cause i'm a fucking girl! he said i should smoke newports, them are are black people cigarettes (i swear he said it, i can't make this shit up!). and i told him, um.... i'm not black. so then he goes on to tell me that he wants a black & mild. i tell him ask my girl, she smokes blacks... so he asks her and she said, "naw man i ain't got an EXTRA one for you." so then i kinda just turn my back trying to find someone that i know cause i was over that conversation 2 minutes before it even started. thankfully i see a person i knew and started talking with them and "tim" walks away.

we move to another part of the club cause my girl ran into some folks she knew. i was introduced, started the small talk and who's right behind me again? FUCKING "TIM"!! so as i'm talking to the folks, he taps me on my elbow again and says he wants to talk to me. i step back and talk to him and he starts his bitch moan about why i treat him that way everytime i see him out @ the club. i've had talks with him before and i told him that whenever i see people i know i give the friendly hello and talk for a minute, but that's basically it. i don't sit under someone's ass all night just cause we're cool. you do your thing i do mine, and it's all good. but naw, this mu'fucka gotta get sensitive and shit. so i AGAIN explain to him the rules of engagement... he is not my man. i do not have to be up under your ass to make you think that we're friends. i don't kiss people's ass just cause you think you know me. so then he says i was gonna call you today so we can hang out. and i said, yeah, WAS is the operative word. you didn't, now you're here and i'm here and just cause we evolved to the same place doesn't mean we're finna hang out right now. then he had this bitch look on his face and i walked away cause i just wasted 7 minutes of my life that i can never get back.

so i go back to talk to the folks. 2 minutes later... this mu'fucka is STILL behind me wanting to "talk". WTF??? did you not hear me the first 3 times i broke it down? so after me talking to him for a minute i told him, "look i ain't finna stand here and argue with you about bullshit. you ain't even someone i'd consider arguing with in a fucking club" so i chucked up the dueces and gave hime th get the fuck outta here signal and thought that was the end of it.

you'd think that was the end. but ohhhhhhhhh no.

aboout 30 minutes later. i'm still talking with my girl and the folks and here he comes with his pissy ass sorry ass lame ass punk self and asks me, "so are you gonna come home with me after?"

WTF???

are you fucking smoking crack? so i tell him, "naw man, i gotta work tomorrow." so guess what this fucker says to me? he says, "so why'd you come out then?" oh i had to burn him another fucking asshole. i told him, "look mu'fucka, just cause i'm @ the club doesn't mean that my main focus in being out is cause i need to get some dick. i can scroll through my fucking phone book on my cell for that bullshit right there. what the fuck don't you understand? you obviously rode the yella bus to school and cannot comprehend what the fuck i'm tryna say. i have neither the time or patience to school a person right now. so go do what you gotta do to get some cat and call me in the morning and tell me how it was, at least you'd have soemthing to talk about when you call me."

i walked away and continued my night. but you would think after what was said he woulda left it the way it was... but naw man, he was still following me from a distance whereever i went.

i guess that saying, "you can't make someone love you. you can only stalk them and hope they panic and give in" is a motto for him. but shit, stalking is a crime dammit! someone please call 911!

Felisha, Part 4

2006-06-14T19:32:00.000-07:00

just when you thought the trilogy of felisha was the end of the series, there's more! i'ma call this felisha thing a mini series cause i swear, she never ceases to amaze me.

this past friday the usuals went out to the same spots. me and my girl from work decided to car pool cause we live in the same area. we went to meet a couple of our other friends... ike, DSBB, B, and this new chick who started to hang with us named erika (oh shit i just gave her real name).

she met felisha at the all nighter, remember the night felisha wanted to go to the next spot but had no cash flow? yeah, that's when erika met her. before i introduced erika to felisha, i gave her the surgeon general's warning on her. you know... the bitch always be broke, thinks she's the finest thing on the planet AND says she's ALL natural. so when erika met her, she had to dip cause she almost died from laughing and couldn't keep a straight face while talking to her. erika's a cool chick, she's a sista and like me, she's a habitual shit talker. you like her too huh? anyway, even erika said her shit is FAKE!

so we're all doing our own thing, politicking, drinking having a good time. then erika comes up to me and says, "did you see felisha?" i said, "no why? where's my drink? i need it to be next to me" then erika goes, "girl she got the EXACT same outfit on she had on 2 weeks ago, from the top, to the jeans, to the shoes AND the belt!" i was like "nu'uh"... then low and behold felisha comes around the corner and sure enough... she had the same mutha fucking outfit on.

now when we saw that outfit 2 weeks ago, it needed to be retired. why you ask? well the top is "charmeuse" (another fancy term for fake satin). it was white. granted if it was new it would be cute. but keep in mind that i've told you that the bitch is broke and never gets new shit. so anyway, it had a million snags in the top. if you could see that shit in the dark, can you imagine what it looked like in the light? the top was alomost like a bra, so her midriff was showing. i don't usually hate on folks, but seriously, unless you got at least 4 pack. rockin' or a super duper FLAT stomach, i personally don't think that you should be showing that part of your body. i'm not saying the chick has "overages" or "rolls", but that shit ain't cute. not to mention, the back was just a strap and her back is not the prettiest of things, she has discoloration going on all over the place.

it seems as if i have this personal vendetta after the bitch, but seriously... she needs to stop... like yesterday.

Tag, I'm It!

2006-06-14T18:56:00.000-07:00

since my homey nev thinks i'm "smitten" and don't have time for him or respond to his blogs anymore, this one's for him... he kinda sorta tagged me, so i'ma oblige cause i want him to know that i ain't got nuthin but love for you homey!

1. If you could be doing what you really want to be doing for a living, what would it be?
a) i would love to get paid to just shit talk all day. kinda like "the best damn sports show period" most of the dudes on the panel don't have any kinda skills but they be talkin shit all the time about folks who have talent (sorta, they get paid for it don't they?). i want one of them jobs.

2. If you could slap the shit out of any famous person, alive or dead, who would it be?
a) no one famous comes to mind, but i do know a couple of people not famous i'd like to slap the shit out of.

3. What's the dumbest decision you've made in the past 5 years?
a) there's been quite a few. not wanting to elaborate right now, thanks.

4. Give up one for a year: (good) sex or (good) music.
a) that would depend. if it's good sex in ALL aspects including viibrator action, than i'd go with good music. but if a vibrator can be utilized, i'll go with good sex for $500, alex.

5. Dudes, would you rather have a big dick or a great sense of humor? Ladies, nice tits & azz or common sense?
a) common sense, but luckily i have 2 out of the 3. and tits in't one of them...LOL

6. So you've been invited to an all expense paid Blogger Prom in The Bahamas. You're sitting at the bar on the beach. Which blogger do you want to join you for hours of good convo?
a) now you know i can't just choose one of y'all. i'ma have to go with... nev, miguel, khary, teej, nique, crispy and whoever else ain't corny and we'd have to shoot the fucker.

7. Which blogger would you most like to cuddle with on the beach? (and don't defer to your current signif other either. Infidelity won't count against you. Duh.)
a) the princess doesn't cuddle. especially on the beach, is you crazy? can you imagine all the sand that would get in yoour butt crack?

8. You're going on a 5 hour road trip...which 5 CDs do you bring?
a) heather headley (this is who i am), kelly clarkson (breakaway) ... i don't even wanna hear it!, notrious B.I.G. (ready to die), talib kweli (right about now), joss stone (soul sessions)

9. Would you rather bury your children young or have your children bury you young?
a) what kinda question is that? the latter of he question is the obvious choice

10. What's your biggest insecurity?
a) my weight. kinda chunky... but still think i'm hella sexy!

11.What's the first blog you read every day...or however often you read them?
a) nev's, then miguel's, then nique's, then... so on and so forth

12. When's the last time you peed your pants?
a) like squirt pee or full on pee? squirt pee: the other day cause i was laughing my ass off. full on pee: when i was a chile

13. Which was better, your first kiss or your first pay check?
a) first paycheck. who said money can't buy happiness? shhhhhhhhhhhiet i spent the shit outta it too!

14. Do you have kids? Want kids?
a) 3 demon seeds

15. You get dropped off at home after the office holiday party by your bitch azz boss that you can't effing stand...you exit the car and he peels out, runs a red light at your corner and rolls up an unsuspecting midget. The next day the midget watch groups are on TV outraged at the heartless hit and run, and are calling for any witnesses to please come fwd...that half dead midget has a family at home waiting on C-mas presents. Would you take $1000 hush money? $500? $100? A six pack?
a) it would depend on how much of a reward the midget watch group i soffering. if it's nothing but a "good conscience that would bring someone to justice"... i'ma go with the $1000 hush money.

16. Live the rest of your life without your eyebrows or your fingernails?
a) i'ma go with eyebrows, i know a few hispanic chicks that can teach me how to draw them in.

17. What makes you angry?
a) bad drivers. i have this slight case of road rage. i know, i need to see someone about it.

18. What makes you horny?
a) haven't really thought about it as of late.

19. What makes you nervous?
a) alot of shit makes me nervous. to name just one, is when you can see from the peripherals that someone is staring at you and you don't know why. do i have a snotty booger? parsly in my grill? hair outta place? shit tell me soemthing, don't just stare!

20. What makes you smile?
-starbucks coffee in the morning
-my demon seeds laughing
-folded potato chips
-good conversations with my buddies

so like i'm supposed to "tag" some people... but that shit is stupid. if you want to do this do it, if you don't, i don't really care.

Normal Business Hours vs. Booty Call Hours

2006-06-14T17:51:00.000-07:00

everyone that knows me, knows that i am NOT a phone person. i really can't stand to be on the phone. sometimes, my phone can be right next to me and i won't answer that bitch just outta principal. if it's important, they'll leave a message and i can get back to them if i deem that it is important. i'm on the phone all day @ work, both phones blow up all day with various issues. i mean it's cool to get some love from time to time, but unless you're telling me how to break the fucking da vinci code, i ain't tryna stay on the phone with you for more than 7 minutes. tell me what you gotta tell me, ask me what you gotta ask me, tell me where we're finna meet and that's basically all i want to hear.

on the rare occasion that i give out my number to new people, i always break down the rules. well, there's just one fucking rule.... if you're gonna call me (and that's totally up to you cause i ain't trippin if you don't), please call during normal business hours. booty call hour phone calls will NOT be answered. the only people i talk to during those times are my homies who drunk dial me after the club. since i explain this in the BEGINING of even giving out my number, why, oh why do people continue to call me during booty call hours?

let me tell you about this phone call i got the other day, this mu'fucka is a little slow. we'll call him "tim". i think he may have even rode the short yella bus. when you ask him questions, he sometimes takes hard pauses before answering like his brain is telling him what to say, but his mouth just can't seem to form the words. anyway, i was up late one night listening to smooth r & b on digital cable, myspacing it, and finishing up some paperwork i had to get done for work (yeah, i can multi task like no otha). then my phone rings, it's hella loud too cause i have it on blast (it's usually at the bottom of my bag so i can't hear it), it's 12:38 am and the dude "tim" calls. i haven't talked to him in a couple days, so like a dumbass i answer the phone. here's the gist of the convo:

me: hello
him: may i speak with the princess
me: um, yeah, this is her. why are you asking to speak with me if you're calling me on MY cell phone?
him: (long ass pause that i told you about before)
me: nevermind. wassup.
him: how have you been?
me: ok. how have you been?
him: chillin
me: how was your weekend?
him: good.
me: what else is new?
him: nu'un
me: so um, yeah... why are you calling me?
him: oh just to see what's up
me: you know what time it is right?
him: (long pause we talked about)
me: i know i talked to you about the booty call hours and what times NOT to call unless you need a ride to the hospital or something.
him: no, i just haven't seen or talked to you in a while so i thought i'd call.
me: at 12:38 am? and i did see you @ pipeline this past weekend
him: i didn't see you
me: you looked me right in the eye, but you were with some chick so i was like ok.
him: so do you want company tonight?
me: nah, i'm good
him: (long pause)
me: you know what call me tomorrow if you want to hang out, but call me @ a decent hour next time
him: i'll think about calling you cause you're mean
me: i'm mean cause i'm telling you like it is?
him: well, you are mean...
me: ok... i'll be that... click

it's one thing to call someone if you have something to say or intentions you want to carryout. but dammit, why ask me questions you really don't want to know and just wanna know one thing? that phone call woulda been less painful if he just came out and said what he wanted from me. he wasted ho minutes with me asking me questions when he coulda went to the next person in his phone book and called them for the bidness.

i'm just sayin'...

It's Been A Long Time...

2006-06-14T17:42:00.000-07:00

...i shouldn't have left you, without a dope blog to get into.

i know, i know... i've been MIA for a minute. had a lot of dramaticals going on in mi vida loca, so i had to take a break. but stay tuned i've got maaaaaaaaaaad funny ish to write. even a felisha part 4!

i'll be updating throughout the day so sit tight folks!

Professionalism = Civilian Gov't Employees

2006-05-30T18:29:00.000-07:00

my military ID expired the other day, well acutally i lost it, but i had to get another one anyway.

i HATE getting another military ID, if it weren't for the damn privelleges, id say fuck it. them bastards take the longest fucking breaks in the world. and why, WHY in the hell are they always attending "functions" at another installation? especially on the day i choose to go and get one... it's a damn conspiracy i tell ya!

i used to have this connection in the DEERS section that i would call and he'd hook me up without the wait. but he no longer works in that department, so i'm stuck with the others just waiting.

so today i go to get the damn ID. the number i pull is 20. what number are they on? 16... not bad right? WRONG!!! why if i am only 4 numbers away from being "next" did it take me almost 2 fucking hours to get a damn ID? you think i'm playing but i'm not. i'm serious. 2 fucking hours! what's even funnier? they have a damn sign in the office saying that it takes 15 minutes to process ID's. in fact they have 2 signs! let's just say there's 2 employees minimum processing ID's, with me being the 4th person that would mean what? a fucking 15 minute wait right? 30 minutes at most. but naw, my ass was there for 2 hours... fucking idiots!

then when i finally get called back by the elderly japanese lady with a muumuu on, the chair is fucked up so she tells me to switch chairs. then she tells me to scoot back, i'm too close. then she tells me to put my hair back, tilt my head more to the right and put my chin down. um hello? this is not a fucking photo shoot, i just need a damn ID so i can go to the gym. so in the middle of kimiko doing my photo shoot, the other employee tells her she has a phone call. what does this heifer do? take the damn phone call right in the middle of her processing my ID. we all know that she can't multi task, so she stops doing what she's doing with me and takes the call, IN FRONT OF ME. here's the conversation (and i swear to god this is what kimiko said, i'm only guessing what the HR people said):

kimiko: yeah, i called earlier cause i wanted to take annual leave instead of sick leave
HR: why?
kimiko: i had put in for sick leave but i need to take annual leave instead
HR: again, why?
kimiko: i wanted to take annual leave cause i have diarrhea.... yeah... yeah diarrhea
HR: ok we'll let you take the annual leave
kimiko: ok yeah, i have diarrhea... thanks yeah... ok, ok thanks bye

um.... I AM SITTING RIGHT HERE KIMIKO!! and it's not like the DMV where the damn phone is across the ways. she's having this diarrheal conversation with me sitting right there! so she goes on to finish my ID and puts in on the table. i pick it up. she says, "oh that's still hot you might want to wait." i'm like, it's ok, it ain't gonna burn me. so i leave.

when i get to the car, why... WHY did this heifer put the wrong expiration date? she entered 6/5/06... that's like less than a week away. so i had to go back in there to get it fixed.

luckily her supervisor was there and she saw me in there while kimiko took the phone call and asked stupid ass questions like, "what color am i supposed to use?" so she took me in before the ass of people that was waiting.

i swear, if i had to wait just 5 more minutes, i woulda kilt somebody up in there.

if you ever wonder why it takes so long to get an ID, the reason is they need to take annual leave instead of sick leave due to their diarrheal prollums.

The Felisha Trilogy

2006-05-29T16:38:00.000-07:00

i have this friend who has this friend who is ALWAYS fucking broke. oh, y'all know her (well sorta) her damn name is felisha .

now this is my girl's girl and this bitch is always broke. i guess that's why she has "new growth" happening often, ok i'm drifting.... it could be the day of a pay day, and the bitch is broke.

let me let you in on a few things about her

she's in the military
she has NO kids
she gets BAH (housing allowance... oh and if y'all didn't know, it's a fucking GRIP here in hawaii, i think it's $1630 for an E5) cause she lives off base
she SAYS she's an E5 or higher

there's no fucking reason she should be BROKE on a pay day. why? oh... let me count thy ways:

her whip she's pushin' is a '99 or 2000, so i'm pretty sure she ain't got NO kinda car note to pay
she always wears the same shit when we're out. i have never seen anything shiny or new on her. you know when you read the mags and they tell you how to create 5 different looks with one outfit?... um yeah, that's her
she carries the same ho purse to the club, and it ain't gucci. it ain't even bootleg shit either so it can look like she spent her money on something!
she has a man now so he can be sponsoring her jack splurges on the $1 menu

ok... the reason i'm mentioning this shit? the other night we went out and my girl tells me that felisha is gonna be out. and because she hasn't hung out with her as of late, she's supposed to kick it with us... and i'm like, "oh shit, the bitch better not be asking ot borrow my whip again." so she comes by, does the politicking and we're all sitting down having a drinky drink. of course she ain't got nada in her hand, cause why? she's fucking BROKE!! oh lemme tell you a funny thing before i move on, don't put your drink down, cause she will be sippin on it when you leave cause even though she "likes to be sober" she sho does take "sips" outta folks drinks to "taste" it. LMAO. ok moving on. my girl from work came out with some of her friends and she came to talk to me for a minute, as soon as felisha came, she had to leave cause she didn't want to stare, cause you know i was talkin' shit right? LOL

anyway, the whole night i kinda did my own thing and hung out with other people cause i didn't want to deal with her and her broked-ness.

so after the one club closes my girl is talking about going to another club, then felisha's asking my girl where we're finna go. me and my girl rode with the homey DSBB and so wherever dude was going i was going cause i just needed to get back to my whip. so while DSBB was driving us to the next spot, felisha is calling my girl telling her to wait for her, where are we at, lemme catch up to you guys, tell DSBB to slow down. and i'm already buzzed so i tell DSBB, "awwww fuck that, she know where the spot is... just drive, you do you cuz. "

then... and then i hear my girl saying to felisha, "naw girl i don't have any money, i only have $37 for the rest of the night. but just come to the spot i think i can pimp getting you in." and i think felisha said, "naw girl, i'm finna go home" cause then my girl says, "just come on girl, i can pimp it." so me and DSBB are trippin' cause both of us KNOW that this bitch always be pulling her broke card, so i'm fucking yelling, "awww let the bitch go home. she ALWAYS be broke". so my girl is tryna turn up the music so she can't hear me. she hangs up with felisha and i tell her, "girl, why in the fuck are you telling her to come? she ain't got no money ALL THE DAMN TIME. i have never ever seen her catch a round or catch you back for the shit you give her. the bitch even asks you for gas money going home from the club AND asks you for some jack in the box money so she can eat. who in the hell doesn't have $1.03 in their car ashtray? that'll get that hungry bitch 2 tacos @ jack's and she can get a water if she's thirsty cause you know that's her favorite drink @ the club cause she's parched... just like her fucking hair"

DSBB was dying... he had to stop and wipe his tears.

but for real though, she need to stay home with her broke ass. can i get an amen?

Flattery = The Way to My Heart (sorta)

2006-05-25T17:48:00.000-07:00

today i log in to myspace and see the usual red marks to the left notifying me that i have a new message.

i usally only blog about the crazy shit, cause let's face it, it's funnier. but this was just the shiznit so i had to share. i would link his page, but i don't know how he'd feel about that... so it'll just be this big ole secret for now...LOL

this guy, who i think is a great lyricist and will prolly be famous one day, sent me a message and it wasn't the usual, "how are you doing" crap. he spit some lyrics and let me tell you the shit got my attention. i've received many messages with people who TRY to spit their game, but this was tiiight. (in my opinion anyway).

here it is:

maybe god blessed me with the gift of gab/laugh if u want/ see i don't get mad/i got this thing called kisses that i bring to bitches/ but love and trust that i bring to women/i got a cocky side/yes i know it's the truth/ and this love for chocolate call it my sweet tooth/but when i saw u i said thats what im after/ so lets talk tonight and call it my first chapter/see lil mamma if i was granted two wishes/ and the lil man in the lamp had u to be number 1/ then i'd tell that lil man in the bottle listen im done / cause the number 2 wish can't be as good as the first one.

tell me that ain't got your shit wet? ...yeah i thought so.

so thanks man... i appreciate it.

My Bad?

2006-05-24T23:22:00.000-07:00

ok... when i'm wrong, i usually admit it...sorta. but i don't think i'm wrong in this sitch. follow me for a minute.

on friday, i went to the usual hot spot. everyone who knows me, knows that i SERIOUSLY just hang out and chill with my friends to have a few drinks. i know most people go to the club to find their "mr/s. right", obtain numbers of folks so they can get their "team", get their dance on and just plain try to mack. but i on the other hand am smarter than the average bear and KNOW that i will not meet the man of my dreams @ a club. half them fuckers in there are either married or involved in a serious relationship (male or female). i'll be the first one to admit that most people don't give a fuck about someone having a significant other cause they're gonna fuck regardless of the sitch, but at this point in my life, i like the no drama. i love other folks drama, but i don't like any in mine. so i'll keep it that way for a while, thank you... ok i'm drifting.

i caught this dude earlier with the peripherals staring me down, but i guess after a few drinks he had enough nerve to actually come up to me. as i was chillin' with my homies, the dude comes up to me and does the "what your name is" thing and started convo with me. here's the gist:

him: how you doin?
me: great. thanks. u?
him: good. good. so i know you got a man, where is he at?
me: no, i'm quite single, but i love my single life... thanks.
him: why you ain't got a man?
me: (me thinking to self, "fuck, not another one") cause i just don't
him: do you wanna dance?
me: not really. i don't dance when i club. i don't like to get sweaty.
him: then why do you come here?
me: just to hang out with my homies get my drink on and chill. how old are you?
him: 28. u?
me: 20-10
him: so what's your name?
me: analisa. u?
him: j (yeah, the infamous initial name)
me: so what do you do here?
him: military
me: what do you do specifically in the military?
him: i'm a nurse's assistant
me: (thinking to self: he wipes asses) why don't you go to school to be an RN?
him: i don't know if i want to get into that field
me: (with a scooby doo "ruh?" look on my face) um, so why did you pick that
him: yadda yadda yadda

**more shit went on in this long ass conversation, but i don't feel like typing it. cause to me, that was long enough for a "club" conversation**

him: so can i have your number so we can go oout sometime?
me: no, but you can give me yours
him: no cause you prolly won't call
me: you're right, i won't.
him: so can i have your number?
me: ummmmm
him: can i have your number?
me: ummmmmmmmm
him: can i have your number?

**as you can see i was dealing with a lot of pressure!!**

so i hand him my card. he was a pleasant man, just a little pressuring is all. so he just sat there after i gave him my card. so i told my boy DSSB to come with me to get a drink cause it was maaad uncomfortable, i mean, after you accomplish the task, don't you walk away and move on to the next victim? naw his ass gon stay there AND not offer to buy me a drink.

so me and DSSB go to get a drink, bout 20 minutes later, my peripherals catch him coming back... i went BACK to the bar cause that was just too mucken fuch to be around.

the next day i think he called, but i was busy doing some mad laundry... so voicemail it was. then on sunday he calls me, but i was doing something at the time, again voicemail. both times, no voicemail was left so i wasn't really sure it was him until that third call, i was @ the gym... yeah cheesy to have your phone @ the gym, but i was expecting a call (not from him)... anyway, it was him and he goes, "hey do you know who this is?" i say, "um yeah" (cause i TRY to keep my game tight). he says, "who is it then?" the number was a GA area code, so i thought it was my boy H cause he's in the "A" visiting familia. so i say, "H". he says, "no, it's j from the other night". as i'm saying to myself, well fuck, why didn't you just say hello dammit and carry on the damn conversation. anyway, i tell him i'm @ the gym and he's still talking. so he tells me he wants to hang out tuesday cause that was one of the days i said i was available and coincidentally that's his fucking day off. so he asks me if i wanted to go to the polynesian cultural center, i told him, "um i have a job and i do work during the day. not to mention i have mommy things to do thereafter, so i f you want to go out, i won't be available until 8 or 9 ish" so he says basically the only things we can do is watch a movie. i'm like pretty much. so he tells me he'll call me on tuesday @ 7 ish so we can solidify plans. i was like, "ok".

tuesday rolls around , i got really busy @ work and i looked at the date. then it dawned on me. i looked in my planner and sure enough it was my kid's family night performance for their after school program. so on my way home from work, i call him to try to either cancel or reschedule. i'm dialing the numbers, i hit the "talk" button. and what do i get?

"we're sorry, the verizon customer you are trying to reach has been temporarily disconnected. code 4-6"

yeah, that lost maaaaaaaad cool points!! how are you gonna get your phone cut off on the day you have this date planned? if i was as geeked up as the boy sounded, i woulda been sure to have my mu'fucking phone bill paid.

so i'm like, whatever... i don't have to deal with it.

i'm @ my kid's show, and i get a phone call from an unfamiliar number. the number i gave him is my work cell, i'm pretty much on call 24/7 cause i run the program so it's not uncommon that i get phone calls after normal business hours. so i answer it cause it looked like the on call number for one of the agencies i service. it's the dude j. i cut him off and tell him i tried to call him to reschedule cause i was @ my kid's performance, i told him i'd call him back at the number he called me from when it was done.

as soon i as i walk in the door from the performance. this mu'fucka is calling... AGAIN. comprehension is something this dude did not excell at, didn't i tel this mu'fucka that i'll call him back? so anyway, he's talking and i tell him, that i just stepped in the door, give me time to settle down. even after i told him that he still carried on the damn conversation and he says "well, what movie do you want to see?". i gave him 3 choices and he went with mission impossible 3, so i told him call me in about half an hour and we can talk about it.

ok i know this is hella long, but here's where the sitch gets me to my title... was this my bad?

about 10 minutes go by and my cousin calls me and asks if i want to go to the gym... i said, ok. now i know that me and the dude had talked about doing something, BUT and i SCREAM BUT... nothing was really solid. it's not like he picked out a time for a viewing or the place we were gonna see it at. we didn't even discuss the meeting, if i was gonna be picked up cause i'm a damn princess or if i was gonna meet him there so i could just bounce thereafter. so since nothing was solid i went with my cousin.

was that fucked up? maybe... but does it look like i'm worried? hell to the naw!

so me and my cousin go to the gym and i leave my phone in the car cause it is kinda tacky to have your phone ALL the time... we get our workout on and we comeback to the car and i get my phone outta the trunk. (my cousin is paranoid like that, she always thinks people are gonna break into her whip and steal shit)

when i get my phone i have 13 fucking missed calls. i said thirteen. we were only @ the gym for about a couple hours. thriteen fucking missed calls. one was from homegirl, another was from my homeboy derrick and the rest was from dude.

i had about 5 VM messages, but i decide to wait til later to check it. me and my cousin are at starbucks and i check my messages. my girl is calling me to see if we were still on for pipeline later, my homey just wanted to see what i was doing, one was a hang up. the the next 2... fucking funny!

the first VM from dude was pleasant. he says, "ok, so it's half an hour later and i'm calling you. so call me back."

the next VM took a turn for the worse, he says, "i've been trying to call you for the last 45 minutes and you're not answering your phone. i don't have a problem if you want to cancel or reschedule, but what i do have a problem with is you not answering your phone while we had plans. that's just like standing me up at the door. you told me to call you back and i did, now you're not answering your phone, i mean i thought we had plans. (breathing heavily) well call me back if you still want to head out. in fact call me back so i know what's up. you told me to call you back and i did, but um, oh well, yeah call me back." i swear to god that's what the damn VM said.

now you know i will be tearing his shit up right?

he's 28 and a nurse's assistant, but doesn't want to go to school to become a fucking nurse. can you say no ambition?
he called 3 too many times prior to the initial contact. once mu'fucka, once... and leave a VM, if that person calls you back. they wanna hook up.
his phone was "temporarily disconnected" on the day of proposed date. what kind of shit is that?
i told him i'd call him back after my kid's performance, but yet again with his pushy self he called me.
we never had a SOLID plan, it was just "talk"
i had 13 fucking missed calls, eleven of which were his. once. once is all you have to call. if they don't pick up, then shit, make other damn plans.
one voicemail woulda sufficed.
the second VM was way too excessive. he even ADMITTED to blowing up my phone. that fucking VM took up like almost a minute of my inbox, that's a long fucking time in VM time... that's like an hour in real time.

so my cousin's like, are you gonna call him back? i said hell no. she said i was wrong.

young'in just don't know.

my pimp hand is strong.

i could give a shit what he or anybody else may think. don't call me (fifty) eleven fucking times blowing shit up, then leave me a voicemail that has angriness in your voice.

junie don't play dat.

Halle-Fucking-Lujah!

2006-05-24T22:24:00.000-07:00

i'm feeling so fucking real right now, it ain't even funny.

my ex baby daddy husband who comes to see his kids on HIS time is flying in tonight to spend time with the offsprings for 2 weeks before he goes to his next duty station.

the reason i'm feeling real? i will be living the "single" life for 2 weeks. not having to worry about what my kids have to eat for dinner/lunch/breakfast, taking them to school, picking them up, waking up @ 7 am on the weekend cause they want some breakfast... yeah! since i am the mother and father for the rest of the time he is not here i am so gonna take this as a mini vacation to myself and just do what i want to do... like sleep in. happy hour. shit like that.

so forgive me if i fail to update this thing too often... but i'm sure there will be stories in between i just have to share so just bare with me, mmmmmmmmkay?

It Was A Good Day

2006-05-22T21:45:00.000-07:00

Just waking up in the morning gotta thank God
I don't know but today seems kinda odd
No barking from the dogs, no smog
And momma cooked a breakfast with no hog
I got my grub on, but didn't pig out
Finally got a call from a girl wanna dig out
Hooked it up on later as I hit the do'
Thinking will i live, another twenty-fo'
I gotta go cause I got me a drop top
And if I hit the switch, I can make the ass drop
Had to stop at a red light
Looking in my mirror not a jacker in sight
And everything is alright
I got a beep from Kim and she can fuck all night
Called up the homies and I'm askin y'all
Which court, are y'all playin basketball?
Get me on the court and I'm trouble
Last week fucked around and got a triple double
Freaking niggers everyway like M.J.
I can't believe, today was a good day
Drove to the pad and hit the showers
Didn't even get no static from the cowards
Cause just yesterday them fools tried to blast me
Saw the police and they rolled right past me
No flexin, didn't even look in a niggaz direction
as I ran the intersection
Went to $hort Dog's house, they was watchin Yo! MTV Raps
What's the haps on the craps
Shake em up, shake em up, shake em up, shake em
Roll em in a circle of niggaz and watch me break em
With the seven, seven-eleven, seven-eleven
Seven even back do' Joe I picked up the cash flow
Then we played bones, and I'm yellin domino
Plus nobody I know got killed in South Central L.A.
Today was a good day Left my niggaz house paid
Picked up a girl been tryin to fuck since the twelve grade
It's ironic, I had the brew she had the chronic
The Lakers beat the Supersonics I felt on the big fat fanny
Pulled out the jammy, and killed the punanny
And my dick runs deep so deep so deep
put her ass to sleep Woke her up around one
she didn't hesitate, to call Ice Cube the top gun
Drove her to the pad and I'm coasting
Took another sip of the potion hit the three-wheel motion
I was glad everything had worked out
Dropped her ass off, then I chirped out
Today was like one of those fly dreams
Didn't even see a berry flashing those high beams
No helicopter looking for a murder
Two in the morning got the fat burger
Even saw the lights of the Goodyear Blimp
And it read Ice Cube's a pimp
Drunk as hell but no throwing up
Half way home and my pager still blowing up
Today I didn't even have to use my A.K.
I got to say it was a good day.
Hey wait, wait a minute fool
Stop the shit
What the fuck am I thinking about?

Boooooo, He Didn't Show UP!

2006-05-20T21:46:00.000-07:00

so last night wasn't as eventful as i thought it would be. the ex-man didn't make the appearance we all thought he woul. "the truth" and my girl were there though and the former roommate saw what was going on so i'm more than sure he reported back to the ex-man.

"in other HO news": while we were @ the hot spot my girl said that she was feeling kinda nervous so she had to tak a ish. yeah i know TMI. but hey, she shared, so i'm fucking sharing. she is a clean person, i mean she showers about 3 times a day and everytime she takes an ish she has to shower. (i'd be in the shower all damn day if i were her...LOL) anyway, she's a drunk ass and a down low freak. so on our way to the other club she tells me that "the truth" and her got down in the car before they went in...AND he licked her booty hole and she felt uncomfortable, you know cause of the ish she took earlier? um, yeah... don't you think i felt uncomfortable when she was telling me this story?

Waiting For Tonight

2006-05-19T21:47:00.000-07:00

tonight's gonna be interesting...

i don't have a lot of time, so i will just state facts:

my girl has a new man, from what she told me, he's "the truth"
she's bringing him out tonight to the club
her recent ex-man may be going out tonight as well
i called the recent ex-man's sorta kinda best friend, who was also his former roommate and asked if they were coming out
he said yeah
the former roommate said that the recent ex-man was tryna convince him to go to our hot spot...LMAO
the former roommate had a chuckle, he hates that place
i told the former roommate that we were going to their hot spot after our hot spot closes
he said there's a HUGE chance that my girl, "the truth", and the recent ex man will collide
i ain't missing this shit for the world! even if i had a black eye, broken leg and no toothpaste to brush my teef, i'm going out tonight dammit!

on a side note: dammit pat will you unlock the right door this time?

The Greatest Hits, vol. one

2006-05-18T15:33:00.000-07:00

in celebration of my almost one year anniversary of blogging, here are some of my faves:

Blogs on Dating

Some People Just Don't Get It

The Dating Game, part one

The Dating Game, part deuce

I'll Take Reasons I'm Single for $2500, Alex

Meet Felisha

She Musta Been Outta Her Rabbit Ass Mind

Rapunzel Let Your Hair Down

Vibrator Chronicles

My First Love

I Got Me a New Man

Funny Shit

Miscellaneous Ish

got ill na na?

The Man Is Brilliant

Being Pimped by a Friend

T. Mutha Fucking M. I.

click on the links, you'll thank me later!

Tired, Not Lazy

2006-05-17T14:57:00.000-07:00

i am literally running on empty. i am so tired/dehydrated/irritated from last night's outing. i'm on 2 hours sleep and i'm still going to the gym later on today.

anyway, i know some of you check to see if i've posted anything. but sorry guys.... even if i tried to write a half assed blog, it would suck more than i want to admit to. with that said, i hope y'all are having a great day, cause mine sucks arse.

Quirky, Look It Up... that's me you see!

2006-05-16T17:51:00.000-07:00

last night after the gym and after the usual rounds of internet faves... i prepare myself for bed.

got in the shower.
washed my body.
shaved the pits.
body butter'd up.
put the pj's on.
brushed my teeth.
applied crest white strips.
sprayed windex on my "gianormous" zit.
applied magic cream (night cream fromt eh phillipines... not that kinda "magic cream") for age spots.
plucked my eyebrows.

yeah, you read right. i sprayed windex on my zit. (((LOL)))

so i'm trying to squeeze the trigger from the windex bottle oh so carefully cause lord knows that shit'll prolly blind you if gets in your eye. **it says so on the bottle: do not get in eyes** i spray it, and whatayaknow, direct hit! right on the damn zit. then it kinda felt like it started to burn, well not burn to the point where i couldn't take it anymore. i'm thinking, "it's working" cause the suds feels like it's eating away at the zit. so it finally kinda dries and i just wait until morning cause i mean come on, it's not gonna work instantly. shit if it did, windex would be out of stock!

when i wake up this morning, i swear to god... the zit went down in size. it went from "gianormous" to noticeable... but not, "OMG what happened to your face?" noticeable.

i guess there are some useful tips you can learn from movies.

Dear Analisa Gubuan

2006-05-15T22:15:00.000-07:00

dammit. i hardly ever get mail @ my house. i mean... EVER! and what in the hell do i get today?

a wonderful love letter from the IRS saying, "you're getting fucked up the ass (with no grease)and YOU have to pay for it"

yes people i owe these fuckers $921... $67 of it is "interest"... from the year 2004. what kinda interest rate is that? can i get a list of your damn APR's?

ok here's their reason they're saying,"bitch betta have my money". i contributed to a 401K plan. since then, the company i was previously employed by terminated that specific pension plan and i cashed the bitch out, instead of "rolling it over" into my 403B plan with my current employer. i cashed out all $1865 of it. yeah the shit was that little, so i thought i should be "aiight". i can't even tell you what i did with that money. apparently my ass is retarded and i decline the option for the lame ass investment group people to take the taxes out prior to them issuing me MY money. BIG MISTAKE. the "professionals" @ this lame ass investment group didn't tell me that they TAX the shit outta those damn IRA's. yeah, try 50% bitches.

i already filed my taxes this year (FY2005), got my money they day traded with during the year to fix the damn fiscal budget... oh i mean "refund" and of course they WAIT until after i let the money burn a hole in my pocket from the grip i got this year to send me this fucking letter.

they give you all these options, check this box if: you're "appealing" their decision based on *insert lame ass excuse here*, check this box if: you're not paying the amount stated. period. no explanation (that on about cracked me up), check this box if: you're paying X amount now and X amount later...blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... ok, even if i were to entertain these fuckers and say i'm gonna "appeal"... bitch, i know you's the FEDERAL damn GOVERNMENT and there is no way i'm finna win against the damn governement on "appeal", even if johnny cochran *bless his soul* came from the grave and defended my ass.

so now i have to figure out how to shit $921 or see if i can find a tree that grows money.

This Zit is Bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S

2006-05-15T16:57:00.000-07:00

the "stunna shades" in the club debacle is over, but i still have this gianormous *fucking "bite" from the acneus carnal bug (aka a damn zit people). it really is starting to look like another nostril, all i have to do is poke a whole through it and i think i can actually smell from it!

as i'm @ work today, everyone, and i mean everyone *fucking notices it. well, like i've said before it's huge! (and no, miguel i am NOT taking a *fucking picture of it) so everyone's cracking jokes, ha ha ha, very *fucking funny. don't quit your day jobs folks!

not to mention all the homemade remedies i'm getting advice on to cure the zit. here's the top home remedy suggestions i've recieved today:

"put toothpaste on it, it'll dry it out" suggestion given to me by jadey, ICM, also my sister from another mother [and father for that matter]
"you know what i do when i get a zit? i put scotch tape on it for about a day, it sucks all the 'stuff' to the top" suggestion given to me by another ICM person
"do you want me to bring some clearasil for you? it works i swear, it dries that sucker up" suggestion from my cute little assistant kellie... what am i 12?
"spray some windex on it, it cures everything" suggestion given to me by tammy @ HR, she then states, "what? it worked in my big fat greek wedding". um yeah... but that was a *fucking movie and this is real life!

so because i'm quirky like that, i'm gonna spray some damn windex on it to see if it works.

updates tomorrow.

*yes i am using the word "fuck" alot aren't i... well, this shit's fucking disgusting man! (((LOL)))

Pot, Meet Kettle

2006-05-14T02:19:00.000-07:00

i'm a hypocrite.

i just violated the terms of my princess-ness.

i can't even believe i'm gonna admit to this one, but i have a VERY good excuse for the reasons i broke the code.

last night while @ the club, i... princess analisa gubuan... wore "stunna shades"!!! ***deep sighs and yelps from audience***

but in my defense, i have a GREAT story as to why i had to use them. the other day, i think it was thursday, a case manager is strolling by my office with his bubbly ass attitude and turns to me and says, "hi... *does a real quick double take* WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE? did something bite you?" um, yeah something bit me, it's called the acneus carnal bug... so i tell him, "it's a zit". then he goes on to tell me all these treatments on how to get rid of it. whatever punk.

the zit is gianormous, it's one of those that grows UNDER the skin and looks horrendous. so i go home that night and wash my face with some prescription shit. i don't have an acne problem at all, only when "the red car is parked in the garage" do i break out in a zit here or there, but it's really little and i move on... but this here fucking zit took a life of its own. ok, so i wash my face, and the next day when i woke up (friday) that shit dried up cause of whatever active ingredients are in it, and it started to surface and have a funky kinda color. so i was like GREAT! i'm thinking the shit will fade by the night...... NOPE!

so i get ready to go out and my cousin is giving the full on hair treatment and does my face as well... i'm ready to go out and i see that damn zit haunting me. dude it was like another nose or something... i swear.

i pack all my shit in my club bag and i carefully place my prada sunglasses in my little bag, just in case. when i get there, i just can't do it, i couldn't wear the "stunna shades" in the club. i kept telling my boy DSSB, i couldn't do it... but that's cause i was still sober. shhhiet, a few drinks and a couple shot later... i was sportin' them prada glasses like we were @ the beach.

so yes, i am a fucking hypocrite... but i think it was deemed necessary, don't you?

I'm Not Crying... much

2006-05-12T01:59:00.000-07:00

i miss my buddy nevin (DAH) and all his crazy ass friends from the port royal... khary (the kurb server), ace, snake, the audi king, HTB and all the other people that hang out with the princess from time to time.

hope you guys are doing well.

and nev, where in the hell is that damn picture i told you to send me?? you know the one that rhymes with "bling" that you can see from afar?...yeah that one! get off you arse and get it done son!

Weekly Celebrity Crush

2006-05-09T02:30:00.000-07:00

yes folks, it's time for yet another installment of my celebrity crush o' the week. now i know this is prolly gonna trip y'all out when i post the picture of "future ex-husband #2", but i like him. he is a SMART ass cat. i guess that's what attracts me to him... his mind (see i'm not totally superficial... NEVIN )

here he is:

i can't say that i'm a "fan" of his music... which is quite odd cause it was his music that gave him the opportunity for me to become a fan of his acting career. i mean, i he was brilliant in "boyz n' the hood", but when friday was born and i learned that he co-wrote the screenplay, i was on him like white on rice. i thought his mind was beautiful, not many movies motivates me to watch it over and over... but friday is a classic. next friday wasn't that great, but he redeemed himself with friday after next. after the [first] "friday" installment, he then went on to write "the player's club" all by his lonesome and directed it, not to mention he produced the soundtrack as well. he then wrote "all about the benjamins" and produced that flick as well... yup lil' o'shea was quite the busy bee in the late 90's early 2000's. tell me that all of that, and this doesn't even include HALF his credits, won't make a chick's panties cream? (((LOL)))

but alas, i know he'll prolly never leave his wife...

they've been together forever (circa 92), but anything's possible if 50 fucked vivica... so when that sad day comes, mr. jackson (cause i'm nasty) give me a call son!

A Boy & His Dreams

2006-05-08T23:20:00.000-07:00

today after work i go to carl's jr. for the usual pit stop (carl's jr. is right next to my place of employment) ... something to drink, maybe some gas and more than likely, a pack of cancer sticks. ok, obviously this is a gas station with a convenience store and a carls' jr. up in it... tell me that ain't the place to be?

anyway, today's pit stop was more eventful than any other day... besides the homeless people on the side of the road that would camp out beggin' for "spare change" or some person wigging out cause they're outta the $6 burger.

yes my friends, it was a GREAT event.

so i park my car in the "loading zone" cause i have privelleges like that (i'm a princess remember?) go into carl's and get me something to drink and some cancer sticks. i know that store like the back of my hand, so i'm in there for all but 2 minutes, including cash out time cause the folks that work there just let me bombard the line... so as i'm walking out i see my asistant's boyfriend coming up and i have small talk with him and get in my car.

as i'm loading myself in my car, i'm settling in and someone is knocking on my window. at first i was like oh hell no, i service my community daily and i am not gonna give my "spare change" to one of the homeless folks that hang out on the side street. so i look up and it's a boy. i'm thinking hell, he wants me to buy some "fundraiser" $5 snickers bars i coulda got for 69 cents up in carl's jr. this boy had to be no more than 16 years old. he had the iPod going on and his school backpack and errthang.

so i roll down my window... cause what in the hell is he gonna do? jump in my car?

after i stop at the "safe" window roll down section... this is our conversation:

boy: hi, how are you today?
princess: fine thank you, how can i help you? (cause i was thinking the boy needed a ride somewhere)
boy: can i have your number?
princess: boy, i'm about 500 years older than you... i could prolly be your mama
boy: so, i don't care... come on... please?
princess: sorry, i gotta go pick up my daughters from school **rolling up my window and it hits his chin... oh my bad... chuckles**
boy: **looking all sad and shit** ok... thanks anyway

it was the cutest thing. but dammit... i don't need a "young thundercat" regrdless of what miguel thinks i need... LOL

but i was flattered that he had that much courage to talk to mama AND ask for the math.

...i guess the M.I.L.F. term really does apply to me (((LMAO)))

It's Not That I'm Against Hoes (or it's subsidiaries)... It's Just Not Me

2006-05-07T01:08:00.000-07:00

one day when i was looking to change my template on blogger, there was this link named "adsense"... so i clicked on it. i kinda just read the gist of whatever it was they were offering so i didn't read it in full detail. anyway, from what i got from it was, that if you sign up for this "adsense" bullshit, you'll get paid for every click, like $.05 or some shit like that.

now i know i only have about 5 readers at most... but shit, a quarter could actually help me one day... i may need that quarter to call someone that cares (ok that was kinda corny).

so anyway, i sign up for the thing. i complete everything that needs to be done, then i add it to my blog.

when i got the link to work for "adsense, powered by gooooooooogle" on my page, the first few days it had a link for helping hurricane katrina victims, which was cool. then the last week, it's been just been links to "Phat Black Bootys"... um yeah... that's what the damn link said. even when i refreshed the page it had the same damn link. so i go back to the "adsense" configuration so i can change the banner type... i'm thinking ok, maybe i can just eliminate it all together. NOPE! no function of that sort... well, i couldn't find out how to do it. so i change the "banner type" to just links thinking it would be better.

NOPE!

now it has "ads powered by google" and 4 links to:

Free Blog
Photo Blogger
Hoes
Personal Blog

i swear it has a link that says "HOES"... i did not put it there!

so if you come to my page and it has a link to "HOES"... while i don't knock them for their hustle, i am not promoting their site(s).

7 Questions I Would Like Answers To

2006-05-05T14:45:00.000-07:00

why do people ask for advice if they aren't gonna take it?
why do people continue to wear "stunna shades" @ night?
why does almost every man ask me, "why are you single?"
where in the fuck is waldo?
can you believe someone actually asked me if i wanted a "grill"? (for the "hookup" price of course)
am i intimidating?
why do men have nipples?

Who Is Analisa Gubuan?

2006-05-04T13:07:00.000-07:00

shit, i don't even know. but i'm sure that there's a chick somewhere out there in the world that has that name.

let me give you a history lesson right quick:

me and miguel talk about random shit almost daily, we catch up with each other whenever time permits it... he's in L.A. and i live in hawaii.

one day i was telling miguel aboout one of the many stories that happens to me on the weekend, and i told him i needed another "club name" cause the one i was using didn't seem to be believeable... i thought "shanequa jones" was quite catchy, but apparently an asian chick having a name like "shanequa" wasn't flying with the brotha's out here... LMAO! some of them actually believed me when i told them, i've had the funniest responses when telling them my alter ego name, "shanequa", some have said, "damn girl you got a black girl name, that's who you stole that booty from huh?"... to... "that's a black girl name, you ain't black, but you sure do have a booty like a black girl"... yeah, the reference to the booty was always the core of the responses... LOL

so anyway, if y'all knew miguel, you'd know he's a wise ass and has the wittiest responses. so i ask him what my new club name should be, i needed a beleiveable one... he says: "analisa gubuan". and i was like, chhhhhhea!!! that sounded so filipino, that it might just work. hell, i look like a analisa don't i? in fact, i have a cousin that looks like me, only younger... and her name is anna lisa ... how ironic is that?

there you have it... that's why my blog is named analisa gubuan, she's my alter ego... the shit talker in me.

Where Da Hoes At?

2006-05-03T23:39:00.000-07:00

whenever i chat with miguel, he always has these one liners to open a conversation. this one's my favorite... "where da hoes at?"

so whenever he IM's me and says that catchy phrase... i usually just crack up with the little emoticon dude rolling on the floor kicking his legs and laughing. but i can now tell him "where da hoes at?"

hawaii is my home and i love this fucking place (even though it's killin' me financially to live here). but truth be told, the (wo)men here are fucking trife!! naw, i'ma capatilize that word... TRIFE! i'm gonna give you a true story of hoe-ish behavior that actually went down on this island. now, i don't want y'all to be hopping the first red-eye over here, cause let's be real, this is an isolated incident (i couldn't even type that without chuckling), but if you really wanna know where the hoes are at... they're all here...

now back to the subject matter...

i have this friend, we'll call him "DSBB" (he's from the south, you can figure out the initials) . DSSB is a cool cat. he will pick the homegirls up and take their drunk asses home after the club, hang out with the chicas and NEVER pour salt in our game, even if he really wants to hit. he's cool as shit. everytime me and the chicas roll out, he brings one of our homegirls cause she lives in the same area. so we hang with DSBB while @ the club. me and DSBB always have a blast cause we clown on all the folks that really shoulda did that double take in the mirror before stepping out. i mean we see the craziest shit. when he first started to hang out with the girls, he thought i was too bougie... well, he was right... until one night when he really got to know me (of course i was drunk ass by then) and thought i was a fun person. so everytime we go out, he just loves to kick it with me cause i'm the best shit talker in town (like y'all didn't know that already...LOL). so there's the history on DSBB.

now even though DSBB isn't a "future ex husband"... if you know what i mean... he still thinks he's pimp. which is what it's all about right? how YOU feel about yourself... moving on... so DSBB's birthday rolls around and we all go out. we're chillin' and the homegirl he usually kicks it with is tryin' her best to get him a GREAT b-day present... you know the kind that ends with a "wet spot" on your sheets? like i said before, DSBB isn't a "future ex husband", but people don't see his great personality, cause let's face it, who in the hell fucks a personality? anyway, by the end of the night, homegirl is running outta options for DSBB, we're running into "4th quarter" and she's still not able to find the present she thinks he deserves. so then she sees this girl she knows through another friend, we'll call her "TT" (she gots some big ole breast-tasess). so homegirl is telling TT that it's DSBB's b-day. they start talking and whattayaknow, TT is down to "kick it" with DSBB after the club. now DSBB wasn't really feelin' her, i mean her face was cute, but dammit... she was a big ole girl. shit i'm a big girl, and when a big girl says another girl is big... you know that shit is gianormous right? ok, i'm drifting... anyway, DSBB was like fuck it, i don't want to hit, i just want to "get served", i.e. "have the head doctor make a house call". so because he tries to treat women with respect, and he doesn't just tell her to "service" him in the car, he takes her back to his crib. so they're done doing whatever the goal was for the night, but TT wanted to cuddle and shit. so DSBB was like, naw man, um... "i gotta get up early, it's late, i should take you home." now most women would be a little hurt by it, but not TT. she was alright, it's cool. so DSBB was like, COOL! so he goes to drop her off, obviously they just met that night so he doesn't know where TT lives, so she's giving him directions on where to go. they end up in a parking lot, it ryhmes with "Na-kully Shopping Center" (for those of you that live here, you know what place i'm talkin' bout). so he's thinking she lives in one of them apartments across the way. oh no, the story wouldn't be good if that were true... guess what the trife hoe does?

thanks him for the ride.
tells him to call her later.
tells him good bye.
then gets into another dude's car... at the fucking shopping center.

i know... W T F???

it had to be about 5 am (the clubs in hawaii close @ 4 am), maybe even later when he dropped her off... and she had a back up for the back up!!! wooooooo...tell me that shit ain't trife!

so miguel, you wanna know where da hoes at? they're right here son!

The Princess & Her Dreams

2006-05-02T03:51:00.000-07:00

i'm such a damn copy catter! nev decides to feature his "honey of the week" on his blog... my installemnts will differ of course, cause i'm a chick... so i will be featuring my celebrity crushes, future ex-husbands, etc. on a weekly basis as well.

future ex-husband #1

*drum roll please*

T. mutha fucking I.

yeah he's little, and yeah i'd prolly kill him with my inner thigh grip... but he is too cute!! i can just eat him up!! and he's got the patent on that titty tape he uses to secure his hats to the side... he's smart too! yeah boo, you are quite the entrepreneur!

he looks kinda mad in this photo though...

babe, it's ok... you only have to stay with the troll for a few more years to prove you are a real man that stays by the chick who was holdin' you down when you wasn't shit. (you all know who i'm talkin' about, that chick from Xscape... i'm sure she's a GREAT person though!)

so here's to you mr. harris... i ♥ u boo! LMAO

What Do You Think?

2006-05-01T03:16:00.000-07:00

my demon seeds have told me this, my cousin, and a few friends... now strangers are telling me.

what are they telling me you ask?

i've been told many times that i look like the asian version of queen latifah. um, ok... is that supposed to be a compliment? ...i'm just sayin'!!

i mean dana has her moments where she shines and is flawless... but y'all remember "set it off" right? um yeah, not the image i want to be compared with...

sometimes i see it, sometimes... NOT!

i don't know whattaya think?

How Did Stella Get Her Groove Back?

2006-04-30T02:30:00.000-07:00

i'm pretty sure most of y'all saw that movie where angela basset played stella, whoopi goldberg played her best friend delilah and taye diggs played winston... the supposed youngin' who got stella's groove back.

the movie was...eh, ok. it was a great fantasy, but the reality will happen when?

NEVER-RARY!

i mean, if we take terry mcmillan (waiting to exhale, the bible to some chicks), the woman who wrote the book, it was L-O-O-S-E-L-E-Y based on her and the youngin she fell in love with, it would be soooooo wrong, cause we all know what happened to the poor chile. but let's take the movie version... let's just say that shit does happen... can someone let me know when it does?

cause i wanna know.

i want my groove back dammit!!

and miguel... i ain't messin' with "that young thundercat", i'm not tryna go to jail just to get my groove back son! (((LOL)))

Even The 40 Year Old Virgin Liked Her!

2006-04-23T01:43:00.000-07:00

ok, i'm prolly gonna lose cool points for this one. but i have become a kelly clarkson fan. well, fan is such a weird word, cause it's not like i wanna lick her sweat off or save that towel she used and threw in the crowd. i like her "breakaway" CD. i know most of you that actually read this thing wouldn't dare listen to her music and ADMIT you like it, but for real though, the whole CD is good.

here are some of the lyrics to my favorite songs on this CD:

i've learned the hard way
to never let it get that far
because of you
i never stray too far from the sidewalk
because of you
i learned to play on the safe side so i don't get hurt
because of you i find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me
because of you i am afraid
-because of you

it's like you're a drug
it's like you're a demon i can't face down
it's like i'm stuck
it's like i'm running from you all the time
and i know i let you have all the power
it's like the only company i seek
is misery all around
it's like you're a leach
sucking the life from me
it's like i can't breathe
without you inside of me
-addicted

i gave you everything and never asked for anything
and look at me i'm all alone
so before you start defending
stop all your pretending
i know you know i know so what's the point of being slow
let's get this show on the road today
i want a love
i want a fire
to feel the burn, my desires
i want a man by my side
not a boy who runs and hides
are you gonna fight for me, die for me
live and breathe for me
do you care for me
cause if you don't then just leave
-walk away

he's magic and myth
as strong as what i believe
a tragedy with
more damage than a soul should see
and i do try to change him
so hard not to blame him
hold on tight
hold on tight
i'm longing for love and the logical
but he's only happy hysterical
i'm waiting for some kind of miracle
waiting so long
he's soft to the touch
but frayed at the ends he breaks
he's never enough
and still he's more than i can take
-beautiful disaster

tell me those lyrics ain't deep?

on this album she reminds me of joss stone. a white girl with some soul. her voice is mature, stronger and her music just brings you in.

i think i regained those cool points i lost...

Now What?

2006-04-22T23:53:00.000-07:00

here's another blog only a few will understand.

so the sabbatical is over. and i'm thinking... i waited this long for that?

i was expecting spec-fucking-tacular. didn't get even the spec. ok, it wasn't that bad... but it wasn't GREAT either.

you know the feeling... when you're going to the fireworks show and you expect this grand display of art piercing the sky and you get there after a long line of waiting and then when you get to the entrance, they're passing out sparklers?

yeah.... exactly.

It's Kinda Like Riding a Bike.... KINDA

2006-04-20T20:42:00.000-07:00

i stole the title from my homey nev, only some of you are gonna understand what this blog is all about, but here it is:

the sabbatical is over.

And It Don't Stop...

2006-04-16T19:11:00.000-07:00

ok, i admit it, i'm a habitual shit talker. i love to call people out on stupid shit all the time.
i had 2 installments of crazy cyber folks. here's just another installment of idiocy.

this guy sends me a note with the famous line of "i've met you before... you look familiar". i mean, we do live on an island where asian people are dominant. i think that saying that "we all look alike" is kinda true. so as i'm rolling my eyes cause i can't believe he's trying that shit with me, i go to his page and see who he is... and i actually did meet this dude before. it's shocking that line actually was truth.

nev and khary can vouch for this... babes remember the time we went to "that club" for "ill na na's" promoting thing? remember when that song played and we were debating over what year it came out? and i asked the dj what year it came out and i was the champion? i can't for the life of me remember what song it was, but i was the fucking champion, i do remember that... LOL. ok, anyway... the dude that was sending me the note was the dj from "that club".

so he asks me for my yahoo IM so we can chat. so we're chatting it up and he's a nice person and sounds cool. he gives me his number so i can call him one day to go out. so we're still chatting, i'm smarter than the average bear so i try to feel people out and see what their status is and stuff. so i ask key questions that'll help me cipher through the bullshit. let me break down to you what i ask and the explanations of why i ask those questions:

why are you in hawaii? i ask this question cause usually the only reason someone is here is either;
a) they're from here
b) they're in the military
c) they go to school here
d) their baby mama is from here and they came here to be closer to their child or better yet, be with the baby mama
most people don't just move here by choice. that would be like me growing up in hawaii and i decide one day just to move to des moines cause i heard it was a beautiful place that was cheap... the shit just does not happen. this question can help me determine what the business is.

next question is...

what do you do for a living? shit if i have a job... you definitely have to have a job. it's just like two fat people tryna to get together, it just doesn't make sense.

ok, getting back to the dj.... so i ask him why he's in hawaii, is he in the military? he says no. i ask him if he has children (refer to the baby mama thing). he says yes. he has a daughter. then i ask him where his daughter is, he says florida or some shit like. so there went my baby mama theory. so i ask him why did he pick hawaii of all places. he says he had a friend that lived out here and told him he liked it so he decides to just up and move here. that sounded quite suspect to me. but we carry on with the conversation. so i ask him, besides dj'ing what does he do... cause i KNOW that a club dj does NOT make that much money, especially at "that club" that we went to. and you can't pay rent or even get some cheese on your whopper without having a primary job... feel me? at first he kept telling me that he was just a dj. i was like, no for real though. then i asked him where he lived. he says millilani. i say, for real though, what do you do besides dj, cause millilani ain't the ghetto. he then asks me what i did for a living. i break it down to him. so then AGAIN i ask him what he does. he tells me he's a PA (physician's assistant). wasn't that like pulling teeth? so i was like ok... we can continue speaking. so we're shooting the shit. i don't know what we were talking about, i can't even remember, didn't save the IM conversation... but i think he was trying his best to be witty and he told me some shit like, "i can be your personal GINOCOLOGIST."

**whistle blowing loudly**

red flag.

red fucking flag!!!

how in the HELL is a PHYSICIAN'S ASSISTANT gonna misspell "gynecologist"?

i think people think that i'm a dumbass. just cause i'm a princess, it doesn't mean that i'm an idiot. PA's have to go to school almost as long as MD's, i'm sure it was a pre-requisite to know how to spell the different types of medical doctors...

gynecologist
proctologist
pediatrician
neurologist

now, if it were as if our conversation was a bunch of misspelled words, like to shorten something or just typos i can see where this misspelled word would not bother me... but this my friend(s) was not intentional. he seriously thought that was the way it was spelled. so yeah, i cut that conversation right quick.

was i wrong for it?

HELL TO THE NAW!!... NEXT!!

Three Letters (WTF???), Part Deux

2006-04-13T23:55:00.000-07:00

i swear to god that this shit happens to me on a daily basis. i don't know what attracts the crazy folk... i know i don't smell... that bad. and i know, well... i think i don't portray the "i'm with crazy" look. but for some reason they fucking find me.

why?

why me?

i mean i know i'm special... but not the kind of special that rode the short yella bus!

second installment of:

"THREE LETTERS... WTF???"

as you all know, and for those of you that don't know, i'm on various sites (myspace, blackplanet). and of course when you're on these sites people try to get to know you, send "notes", "messages", "friend requests", "comments"... etc.

but today tops it ALL. i get a note. it goes a little something like this:

inbox

date Apr.13.2006 21:02

from Nasti-One (<<--- click on the link to see her page, read the disclaimer first though...LOL)

to caramel_MILF

I'd love to sniff that booty after you've farted...

WHAT

THE

FUCK???

let me say it again...

WHAT

THE

FUCK???

and to top it all off, it's a chick that wrote that shit to me.

**my disclaimer before clicking on the link to her page:

there are some pretty raunchy, nasty, "OMG i cannot believe this chick thinks that this is attractive" flicks on her page.

my personal favorite, well "favorite" isn't the word i should be using, the funniest thing on her page is this picture where i think she's tryna show her ass and the shot is at an angle where it's going up the crotch area. i'm sure she skimmed through the photo before she posted it, SHE HAD TO SEE IT... i mean who in the hell puts a picture like that and shows their face @ the same time? what's the picture you ask? it's only the biggest, hairiest camel toe i've ever seen! looks like potential nuts if you ask me! (((LMMFAO)))

yeah, i 'd say i'm the fucking champion of crazy messages.

*if the link doesn't work... click on this --> http://members2.blackplanet.com/Nasti-One/

Three Letters... WTF???

2006-04-13T03:01:00.000-07:00

i sign on to yahoo messenger daily, always "invisible", to listen to music while @ work and talk to people i wanna talk to (mainly miguel... cause he cracks me up). i don't normally give my yahoo ID out, but these fuckers in cyberspace are pretty smart.

while i'm @ work, i sign in to messenger to listen to launchcast. the computer guy installed a sub-woofer for my speakers and the sound is the shiznit. logging on @ work can be a problem at times, cause i guess these cyber dorks figured out a way to see if a person is signed on even if you're in "invisible" mode (side note: don't these people have better things to do than find a way to STALK a person?) or people just figure out my yahoo ID. so occasionally i get the "brrrrrrrrring"... then the IM screen popping up. ain't nothing more unprofessional than you showing your employees a spreadsheet or example of how things should be done on your computer and the IM screen pops up with the screen name "i_like_2_toss_salad" or "big_12inch_dick".

ok... getting to my point. i've been getting IM pop ups from this one dude for about a week, always during work hours so i don't respond. today i get an IM from the dude during the evening hours and thought it'd be polite to say hello at least. the session goes like this:

dixieenormous11: hi
jk with an E: hey
dixieenormous11: how are you sexy
jk with an E: ok... just got back from the gym
jk with an E: u?
dixieenormous11: jacking off
dixieenormous11: u
dixieenormous11: hello
jk with an E: i am choosing not to respond to your "jacking off" comment. i try to be polite whenever someone IM's me, but that was plain RUDE. unless you have something else to chat about, i am done with this conversation.. thanks

---END CHAT SESSION---

...wtf?? people are a trip. how are you supposed to get someone interested in engaging conversation with you if your FIRST/INITIAL chat goes like that? **shakes head with disgust** i just don't get it.

someone... fill me in... please.

What's Done in the Dark... Shall Soon Come to Light"

2006-04-12T04:31:00.000-07:00

i didn't really get to talk to my "twin" (and i use that term, oh so L O O S E L E Y) this past weekend cause i was thinking about a lot of things and was in heavy chill mode. but as i'm checking myspace occasionally, i'm receiving messages from him telling me about some drama that is going on in his life.

surprise.

suprise.

remember the night we went out to D&B's? he told me about this chick he was "dating", sin city, etc.? remember i asked him if the chick's name was "jessica"? remember he said, NO?

all lies... well, maybe "lies" is harsh, let's say he was in denial. (i heard it's not only a river in egypt... LOL)

the chick's name was "jessica".

he was MORE than "dating" her.

here's the drama:
he gets an email from "jessica's" sister "danielle". danielle asks him if he's heard from "jessica". he says no. "danielle" tells "twin" that "jessica" is pregnant... is it yours?

yeah, i'm trippin too.

in his defense, sorta, he said he denied the chick cause she was a "triffling hizzle" and was trying to move on from the experience. cause apparently, she was "separated", had another boyfriend AND was having "relations" with him and a whole nother dude.

so of course i call him to get the WHOLE story.

i burned him another asshole.

i wasn't so much getting in his ass about him LYING (ok, denying the said facts) to me, but moreso of the bad decisions he made within this whole experience. i mean, he is older (over 30) so he should know better. i heard somewhere that the military gives you a briefing when you first get to the island about these trife hoes and the statistics on the island's STD rates. and the spider senses should have been going OFF like a mu'fucka!

let's review the facts for a minute:

-she said she was "separated", but lived in the same house as her significant other... but of course she told him that they slept in different beds (LMAO)
-she has a "variety pack", you know... more than one baby daddy
-she doesn't have a JOB
-her first baby daddy and next baby daddy are best friends AND the second baby daddy usta date her sister!

these are all facts HE KNEW, before he "hit it". and he still HIT IT!!!

and just by hearing that he MIGHT have possibly impregnated her, we can all use our common sense and come to the conclusion that a REALLY bad decision was made when having "relations" with jessica right? RIGHT!!!

i really hope he has LEARNED from this experience. i mean SERIOUSLY learned from this experience.

i'm re-evaluating my "twin" status with him, i mean my real twin would have smelled that bullshit from afar. shit, just one thing off balance with a mu'fucka and i'm deleting numbers and shit.

wrong shoes with the outfit... beep, beep, beep... DELETE!!
using words like "conversate"... beep, beep, beep... DELETE!!
living with and "EX" for "financial (or whatever the fuck) reasons"... oh hell... beep, beep, beep... DELETE!!! (from memory too dammit!)

i'll still continue to be there for him as a friend, but um... that sexual attraction thing... yeah sank like the fucking titanic!

Copy Cat Blog

2006-04-11T01:23:00.000-07:00

my homey nev wrote a blog about "powerful lyrics"... here's my installment:

[Spoken:]
Let me tell you why I love him

[Chorus:]

Cause he is the truth

Said he is so real

And I love the way that he makes me feel

And if I am a reflection of him then I must be fly cause

his light it shines so bright I wouldn't lie

[Verse 1:]

I remember the very first day that I saw him

I found myself immediately intrigued by him

Its almost like I knew this man from another life

Like back then maybe I was his husband and maybe he was my wife

And even, the things I don't like about him are fine with me

Because its not hard for me to understand him because he's so much like me

And its truly my pleasure to share his company

And I know that it's God's gift to breathe the air he breathes

-india.arie "the truth"

one day i hope to be with someone that i can sing this song to or about, well... maybe i won't sing it to them, i would probably break their ears trying to sing it...LOL. the words are DEEP, it would be nice to have someone like that in my life. dont you think?

[Chorus:]

I wish I wasn't in love with you

So you couldn't hurt me

it just ain't fair the way you treat me

No you don't deserve me

Wasting my time thinking bout you

when you ain't never gon change

I wish I wasn't in love with you so I

wouldn't feel this way

[Verse 2]

When you touch me my heart melts

And everything you did wrong

I forgive

So you play me

and take advantage

Of the love

that I feel for you

Why you wanna hurt me so bad?

I believed in you

that's why I'm so mad

Now I'm drowning

in disappointment

And it's hard for me to even look at you

And

I wish I could go back

To the day before we met

And skip my regret

-heather headley "i wish i wasn't"

i listened to this song on fucking REPEAT when i was going through one of my breakups. not the greatest inspiration to listen to cause it kinda makes you feel like a dumbass @ the time. but, nonetheless, it's a great song. you can feel your heartbreaking can't you? ...LOL

[Verse 2:]

You like this and you know it

Caution, it's so explosive

Them chickens is ash and I'm lotion

Baby, come and get it

Let me give you what you need

It's a special occasion

Mimi's emancipation

A cause for celebration

I ain't gonna let nobody's drama bother me

[Bridge:]

Cuz it's my night

No stress, no fights

I'm leavin it all behind

No tears (no tears), no time to cry

Just makin the most of life

-mariah carey, feat. Fatman Scoop & Jermaine Dupri "it's like that"

when this song first came out, the track was hot, mariah was back and the lyrics were fun. my favorite line in this song is "them chickens is ASH and i'm LOTON", cause it kinda gives me that empowered feeling of confidence. not arrogance. CONFIDENCE!

It's been three weeks since you've been looking for your friend

The one you let hit it and never called you again

'Member when he told you he was 'bout the Benjamins?

You act like you ain't hear him then gave him a little trim

To begin, how you think you really gon' pretend

Like you wasn't down then you called him again

Plus when you give it up so easy you ain't even fooling him

If you did it then, then you probably fuck again

Talking out your neck sayin' you're a Christian

-lauryn hill "doo wop (that thing)"

"How you gon' win when you ain't right within?"... i was feeling this song when it first came out and still to this day i'm digging it... it brings truth. that was just an excerpt from the song, but she touched up on both behaviors of women and men when going through "relations". i thought the song was enlightening... or should have shed some light on some people's situation.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Can I Get An AMEN??

2006-04-06T19:11:00.000-07:00

i read this on my friend joey's blog... and absolutely LOVED IT! so i'm sharing with you what i think everyone should KNOW!

Somebody once told me that:

Finding the right person is very hard and very wrong, it is best to BE the right person for the one you love and start from there. You'll always end up disappointed when you set standards and define a right person for you.

Dont rush things. Because somewhere, somehow God is preparing someone for you.

Dont be in a hurry to get into a relationship because you can never find love if you insist that you're already into it. Try to find time to really understand YOUR real feelings to KNOW who you really are and what you really want in a relationship.

You're right, there's no such thing as a perfect relationship, but there's a compatible partnership that goes along with it. If you already knew that you're too big to fit into a small sized T-shirt dont give it a try. You'll probably break it and pay for the damages you have made.

If you knew and felt that the relationship will not last, don't go deeper into it. You'll just suffer the consequences and live like hell for the rest of your life.

It's really hard to say goodbye, but you can't make it any better by just pretending you still have the same feelings. Try to let go and give yourself a chance to live life to the fullest. Give yourself a chance to grow and give your heart some much-needed attention. Then you will find that you have made the right decision and you made it all by yourself.

We call it love when we can't leave someone and see them crying as we try to let go. We are wrong; its just pity. We call it love when were too attached and think that losing the one we love will somehow make us weak and unable to face the storms of life. We misunderstood; its just that were too dependent of them. We call it love when we give our whole life to them, the wholeness of us and imagined that if they leave, no one would accept our past and/or us. We are mistaken; it's just insecurity.

But no matter what the definition is, the truth still remains... love isn't something you can buy or beg. Love is real and existing. Love can make you the happiest soul in heaven, but it can also make you the most miserable person in the whole galaxy!

So for those of you who worry so much about being in a relationship... just be HAPPY being single! it will come to you when you least expect it. Be thankful for those people who try to make you weak or break you, because the reality is, they've made you a stronger person.

A good friend once said...... "if you were fine BEFORE s/he walked into your life, you'll be fine AFTER s/he walks out of your life..."

(...ok you know i have to add my humor to this, "but if you were fucking CRAZY before they walked in your life, you'll be even CRAZIER when they walk out")

When "Keeping It Real" Goes Wrong

2006-04-06T18:50:00.000-07:00

i know nev and them (you too miguel) are talking shit about my recent tribute blog. i mentioned this one dude that i was "sexually attracted" to. i heard it all... you know the jabs taken to my so called ego... from, "how can someone be the 'toot', one day and the next, NADA? " to "you were always so secretive when it came to your shit". but maybe i spoke too soon when it came to that one. i mean, i usually display humor/multi-lingual candor, but most of all privacy (my privacy) when it comes to my blog writing, but as of late i've been slackin' big time!

i mentioned the dude i was slightly attracted to and we had great communication and shit. but after hanging out with him the other night... the sexual attraction scale has seriously dropped in weight. it when from a strong 300 to a negative in just one night. i think we, well maybe HE, just had too much too drink and was saying things that he maybe shouldn't have been saying.

so we're hanging out, i went through some dramaticals prior to my arrival (saving that for another blog), but i had to meet some co-wokers as well. those who hang out with me on the reg know that i can prolly drink a person "under the table". but you know dudes, always tryna compete and shit. so as i'm taking my shots, he's downing the same amount of his alcoholic beverage choice... needless to say, the fucker was pretty tipsy. all of a sudden he starts saying that he's metro and bougie... um, we can only have one bougie person around, and guess who that's gonna be? ...ME dammit! he also continues to talk shit about the men there and how their "game" is not as tight as his. see where the scale is suddenly dropping?

so anyway, at the time his XGF was in town and he kinda made this great escape. yeah, spider senses were tingling like a mu'fucka on that one... but after a while i was like fuck it. after about the 4th or 5th shot, he starts to tell me about this chick he was "dating" that went to "sin city". she told him of her escapades while there (um... whatever happened to "whatever happens in vegas, STAYS in vegas"?)... she mentions this 3some she had and tells him the reason why she did it. he says that she said that she had this tryst because she was "bothered by his XGF coming to visit AND staying with him". um yeah, this is the SAME week he's hanging out with me while the XGF is in town @ HIS house. i could swear before i even mentioned the whole sexual attraction thing that we've had conversations prior to this drunken stupor and he told me SPECIFICALLY that, "he was NOT dating/seeing anyone". yeah, he done fucked up now. so of course, like a dumbass, i engage in this conversation, i asked him if the chick's name was "jessica" or "melissa" (cause i think i know what chick he was "dating")... he says "NO". then continues to tell me shit like, the chick he was dating usta get emails from other chicks saying stuff like, "he's my man", "while you're sucking his dick, it's my pussy you're tasting"... yeah, he was serious. i thought that shit was juvenile and it sounded like it had DRAMA written all over it.

while i pre-maturely wrote a tribute about a guy that i may have been attracted to, it has come to my attention that i should have waited until i hung out with him... drunk. that's the truth serum, y'know?

and even though my sexual attraction has quickly faded, i still consider him a friend. we do have a lot in common and have great conversations. i do wish him luck with that whole situation... you know, the 3some chick, his "X"GF... and i'll be here for him if he needs someone to "keep it real".

go ahead folks... talk shit now... i give you permission, mama shoulda known better!

Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind

2006-04-04T16:45:00.000-07:00

ok... i never really saw the movie "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind", but i'm thinking it's about random thoughts that go through a person's head throughout the day. i know that the first line outta the movie was a voiceover and it said:

"Random thoughts for Valentine's day, 2004. Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap."

(*note to self: i've always thought that about V-DAY)

ok, so that line seems as if it'll prolly be about relationships and stuff, but let's scratch that... i guess what i'm trying to say is that this whole blog will just be random thoughts that goes through my head. scary... i know. cause i think of the most fucked up things sometimes. i mean come on, you've read my blogs right? (((LOL)))

there are some well known quotes/sayings that i don't really agree with. well, it's not that i don't agree with it, i just think it shoulda been worded differently. take this for example:

female: when are you gonna come pick me up?
male: after i "SHOWER, SHIT & SHAVE"

if you do those things in that order, that's just NASTY. why are you gonna take a shower, get "so fresh and so clean... clean" then take a shit? that's a skid mark waiting to happen! then after you take your royal dump, are you gonna shave and get hair all over the damn place, including your freshly cleaned body that you just washed? that saying is so back asswards... they need to change that saying to the opposite, "SHAVE, SHIT & SHOWER". even these guys ('the replacements") hear me on this one... well, they almost got it right. they even made an album about it...

moving on...

here's another example of a stupid saying:

"YOU CAN'T HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO"

well god damn, what in the hell are you supposed to do with the damn cake? stare at it? wait until the cake melts so you can slurp it instead of "eat" it? shit, if you don't eat that cake, someone else will... believe it. (think about it, it's deeper than you think)

ok.. so i only had 2 random thoughts that was pondering through my head at the moment, but you got the picture didn't you?

EDITED VERSION SO I DON'T GET SUED BY MY FRIEND MIGUEL

**when i was writing this blog, i was thinking to myself, "i read this, 'can't have your cake and eat it too' bashing somewhere, but can't think of where." then of course, mikey goes ahead and reminds me.... MY FUCKING BAD! i read it on his blog "archives july 2005", so that revelation has to go to miguel, he's the originator of said comment.

TMI... Thought I'd Never Be Accused Of This

2006-04-03T12:13:00.000-07:00

sometimes i just don't know when to stop talking.

i'm a true libra and try to please everyone without even thinking of the effect it may have on me.

the previous post, "they come in threes", i mentioned "la atracción sexual a otra persona" (i'm sure you can figure it out). this morning i come in to work and my email is full of emails from my bud-ro nev asking, "WTF?? why you gotta be so secretive. spill it!!!!!!" (yeah there was 6 exclamation points in his email). i know khary is prolly dying from laughter as well. not to mention my friend whom i've never discussed such things with is prolly trippin' just as hard. so instead of making like it never happened... like when you were a kid, "take backs" or closing your eyes and making believe the boogey man went away... i'm just gonna say...

fuck it... i said it... and???

so get off my jock! LMAO

just cause i said, "soy atraído sexualmente a alguien", it doesn't mean i'm actually gonna ACT upon it. i've waited this long... what's another year or so?

and besides, i have a "friend" that keeps me busy, his name is jack.

**exits singing and bobbing my head, "now people screamin' what the deal with you and so and so/i tell them *iggas/ mind their biz/ but they don't hear me though/cause i live my life to the limit and i love it..."

They Come In Threes

2006-04-03T02:08:00.000-07:00

since i've paid tribute to a couple of my homies... of course, another friend is asking "where is the love?" so here's my last fucking tribute!!

we haven't known each other that long, but we've had long conversations about this or that and the similarities are eerie. our thought process is almost exactly alike. in fact... i could be thinking one thing, then i get an email or message and he says or does the exact same thing i was thinking! you'd call that weird right? most of our experiences and thoughts about tricks/hoes/pimps/bustas... i mean the opposite sexes... are pretty similar as well. our wits match, he says shit like, "i guess god didn't break the mold when he made me, cause he turmed around and made you." so i guess we're "quirklyalone" together (take the quiz @ quirkyalone.net to find out if you are too) , he's my twin... kinda like these folks...

only difference between this friend and nev or khary?

sexual attraction. (um nev/khary... mind yo' damn bidness... i'll tell you later, LMAO)

yeah, kinda got the sexual attraction thing going on with this friend. i so can't believe i admitted to that one. oh well... but um, weren't the wonder twins brother/sister? ewwwww... ok i guess we aren't the wonder twins. we're the wonder friends...LOL.

happy now PB?

Second Place Really Isn't That Bad

2006-04-02T00:20:00.000-08:00

ok... so i have more than one homey.
shit, my bad.

i didn't know he was gonna be hurt by me not mentioning him as well.

babes... you are not "chop liver", you're just homey #2 is all. LOL

so here's my buddy khary...

almost every picture i take of him, he got his eyes closed... he's not fucked up y'all

night out @ panama hatties (um, yeah.... i said panama hatties)

dave & buster's, that night out with "ill na na"...LOL

this is my homey #2 khary. he's on the same ship as my bud-ro nev. he's my other partner in crime. i'm the designated "girlfriend" when chicks wanna holla and they don't. we too go out to dinner, movies, strip clubs, etc. and have the best time chatting it up and hanging out.

khary is the sweetest man i know AND he's single ladies! but, if you wanna date my buddy, you know you have to get through me first AND you gotta know how to cook... cause the brotha can EAT!! every time i cook that little fucker is the first one in line! if you can make lumpia, you're in...LOL

so here's my tribute to my "other" buddy.

i miss you too boy, so stop trippin... i ♥ u!

Journalism At It's Finest; How I'll Die (written by: D.A. Homey)

2006-04-01T18:47:00.000-08:00

for those of you that read my blog, y'all know i have this best (male) friend. we hang out, talk shit about people, have deep conversations on his balcony while drinking and smoking abouta carton of cigarettes.
at first he was going by the name "drunk ass homeboy" (DAH) in my blogs. i didn't know how he was gonna react to me having his bidness on the street. so i came up with that name for the blog, you know so the reader can really get into what i was saying. why that name, you ask? cause every time we went out, i thought i was getting a deal. you know, not having to drive to the club or outing we were attending. little did i know, i had to drive his drunk ass home. now he's just "nev".

here's some pictures of us on our adventures:

yeah, we're refined... we drink RED wine!!

"you'll find us in the club, bottle full of.... whatever's on special" (i know it didn't rhyme)

right now he's out to sea on a 6 month deployment. we keep in touch via email. last night he had watch so we were catching up on what's been going on in our lives, we haven't been able to connect as of late. i don't know how we got in this conversation, (even if i did remember, it'd be a long drawn out story, and let's face it, ya'll just wanna know how the bitch is finna die right?), but he wrote this article about my death:

Source of Waikele Black Out Discovered
Kiki Inouye- Associated Press

Waikele, Hawaii-- The overall investigation of Tuesday’s mysterious "Waikele Wipeout" only took two days, but sources were nothing short of amazed at their findings. "It was horrible", says Chief Inspector Lee of the Honolulu Police Department. "After the smoke finally cleared TWO days after the blackout, we were able to safely enter the house of where the problem allegedly originated. The smoke was still very thick and it filled up the entire house from end to end. Entering the back room, the Fire Inspector and I made our way around the bed. I tripped over something that eventually caved in and crumbled into ashes. I leaned down only to find a nametag labeled ‘MILF’. Placing it in my pocket, I continued to on. Moving over to the bed we could see that she was a woman in her late twenties, early thirties. There she lay across the full length of her bed, like a human shish kabob showing no signs of life. I leaned forward and noticed what seemed be a satisfying smile on her face resembling that of The Joker in Tim Burton's ‘Batman’. She was clutching in her charred hands a 'JackHammer 5000' that was plugged into a back up power generator, which was in turn plugged into an outlet." It took all of 2 seconds for the Fire Inspector to close the case.

Members of the victim’s household refused comment until a male, in a failed effort to hold back his sorrow screamed, "Oh, what cruel irony!?!?" He was later identified as the young woman’s brother, Lamar. "I was in the back making some shrimp kabobs for my nieces when the lights started to flicker. A few seconds later the TV and the microwave both exploded at the same time." He pauses trying to gather his emotions. "I didn’t know what was going on in the bedroom. I thought that she was in there watching the STAR WARS trilogy or something. It didn’t hit me until the whole neighborhood went dark 1 minute later. I just decided to wait out the darkness and kept looking for my dog." The Chief Inspector raised his hand as if to interject but thought best not to and turned and exited the house.
Tuesday's Black Out affected over 2000 homes for three days. Tom Collins, a manager at Sears declares, "The JackHammer 5000 is Black and Decker's most powerful tool. It's one step short of an actual Light Saber, if you ask me. It easily surpasses the Mighty Mite Power Generator in terms of current draw and can produce enough power that could easily light up a small city. It’s one of our best sellers! I’ll tell you something, it sure is good to see men and women finally shopping together down here. Although it is a shame what happened to that Waikele woman and her dog, though. Damn shame."
*Jack Hammer 5000 = my vibrator

...i miss my homey!

The Dating Game Sucks ASS! ...whole 'nother dude, but same bullshit

2006-03-29T22:40:00.000-08:00

maybe i'm getting older.
maybe i'm too intimidating.
maybe i'm too bougie.
maybe i'm just not the princess i think i am.

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIET!!

maybe i'm just fucking crazy for even writing that.

i met this dude who i was actually attracted to and was "single" a little over a month ago. we met in weird, "OMG, i can't believe it's you again" happenstance. i met him once @ an undisclosed location, he helped me obtain something i needed to get to where i needed to go, then that same night @ the hot spot, a few days later he finds me online. you would call that irony wouldn't ya? moving on... we've had 2 long conversations over the phone when we first met, then thereafter, it was a "game", if you will. check it...

he called me. i was busy, and didn't answer. no VM.
called him back, he didn't answer. but left a VM saying to call when he has time.
a few days go by.
he doesn't call me.
so of course, i'm not gonna call him cause he didn't return my phone call.
a week goes by. no phone call.
so i'm like fuck it. if i knew how delete numbers off this phone i woulda done it. (BTW, if anyone has a nextel i730 get at me, i need to delete some numbers off the list)

then i get an email. he goes into the whole, been busy@ work, changed schedules thing. i was like ok. alot went on in my life since the last time we spoke. been understaffed @ work, my best homey left, my grandmother passed. so after a while i didn't really give a rat's ass. so he says he'd call me on tuesday (it was a monday when i get the email).

he calls on tuesday.
my phone was in the other room, so i ran (yes i ran).
when i said hello, the phone displayed "missed call and his name"
so i called him RIGHT BACK.
oh whattayaknow... VM!!
so i leave a message, "call me back when you have time"
a week goes by, no phone call.

do you see where the "game" is in play here?...thought so!

so i get another random email. he says, his schedule is ok now, sorry for not calling, blah. blah. blah. blah. blah. but would like to go out next week. during this whole time, i'm asking him, no for real though, what's up with the non-returning phone calls? cause i swear i think i'm cute and people tell me i'm smart, shit i know i'm smarter than the average bear!....LOL. so he says, "on the real though, i mean, i have no minutes on my phone, and i don't want to pay a $300 phone bill again." by this time, the spidey senses are kicking in, well, it was kicking in there before, but i could spew webs at this point. who in the hell doesn't have free nights and weekends on their cell phone plan? 9 pm is technically not "booty call hours" and the weekend is FREE all day long right? this is where my "don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining" slogan is in play.

anyway, i say ok to the movie thing. so we plan for it a week in advance. i mean, c'mon the princess hasn't been on date in a while, haven't really been attracted to someone that i would actually consider going out with, and i figure i need good blog material anyway. (tell me this story isn't having you want to read more... yeah i thought so). so the days leading up to the "date", we were emailing each other back n' forth. yeah, i said we're EMAILING each other, not calling. so finally the day of the "date", he actually calls me. i know you're trippin as much as i was. so he tells me the place and the time 7:30, yeah kinda early... spider senses went off.

we meet at the place and go in the theater. while at the movie, we have minimal conversation, well, it's only polite to have minimal conversation, there are other people tryna actually watch the movie. but about 1/4 through the movie, he reaches in his pocket... it's his phone, lighting up and vibrating. um... yeah, the one that's outta minutes (LMAO). then about 30 minutes go by. this is where the climax of the movie is... you know the part where everything is put together? yeah... so he leans over and tells me, "i gotta pee, ill be right back."

WHAT

THE

FUCK???

by then my fucking nerves have already been heightened to code RED. he comes back in about 5 minutes... yeah, long piss. so being the realist i am, you know what i'm thinking right? right.

so the movie ends. we have small conversation and he asks me to give him a ride to his car cause for some reason (and by now, we ALL know what that reason is) his car is parked in bum fucked egypt. so as he's leaving, he asks me if i was going out this weekend. blah. blah. blah. and says, "give me a call if you do go out. "

my response? roll my eyes. say peace out. then went to starbucks.

and people (men) wonder why my vibrator is my best friend.

And In This Corner... "The Champion of All Debates"... JK with an E

2006-03-27T04:50:00.000-08:00

i started to write this blog to let out some of the shit that brews in my head. with all these thoughts, it can make a person go crazy. so instead of taking the purple pills, i decided to write. since then, my bud-ro nevin has started his own blog. he recently updated his blog and i have to challenge him. click on the link to get his side... (*disclaimer, the shit is a long ass post)

http://huggyhasviews2.blogspot.com/2006/03/women-you-cant-live-with-em-and.html

i suck @ HTML codes, so i can't do the whole "click here to get his side" thing. moving on...

just from the title "Women. You can't live with 'em, and replacing them with sheep would be so wrong!! ", i knew we wasn't finna see eye to eye on this bullshit. so here's a woman's POV.

he said...

well shit, if i were to write it all, you'd be here all day. so i'll summarize the blog for you. he's upset cause one his friend's wife may have "potentially" cheated on him cause rumor had it that her husband cheated on her while "down under". and it was a whole bunch of "he said she said" things going abck and forth.

huggy even went to as far as to say that "women start fights", look @ helen of troy and the trojan war AND it was EVE's fault for adam eating the apple.

here is my rebuttle:

if the war was started because of a woman's infidelity, then the MAN is a dumbass for letting a trick get to him like that. now who's the one who can't SEPARATE their emotions? this is where the male EGO plays a major role in this. why do they have to go to war just to see who can piss farther or who has the bigger dick. it doesn't matter!! the bitch still left your stankin ass and you're fighting for nothing! she's more than likely not coming back. what they needed to do was stop and think, "am i gonna get this bitch back if i beat his ass? do i have to go as far as kill him to get her back?" i mean, if the dudes just stopped, inhaled and let it breathe for a minute, they woulda went out for a beer thereafter and told that trick to be gone.

then you had to take it there with the "adam and eve" thing. alls eve did was tell him he should try it, after all, the apple was quite tasty and all they had to eat were figs. just like when you were kids, your friends or significant other (allbeit puppy love significant other), told you to "take a hit". you had a choice. you could succumb to peer pressure or take the high road and be the nerd you were. no one FORCED you to take that hit that eventually made you get nekkid, run across the street and get hit by the bus and die. you made that choice. if adam were a REAL man, he woulda told eve, "babe, god told me not to eat that apple. i love you and cherish everything we've had together, but you's finna die bitch. and if i listen to god this time, he might create me another female better than you cause your stankin ass didn't listen to him. this time, he'll create a bitch that obeys."

the defense rests... rebuttals?

**on a side note, i know you ain't trippin over the chick thinking that her husband is cheating while overseas. i mean shit, your entire post about the wingman and "others", trying to score females while out there. and i know some of your shipmates personally, they are MARRIED!!

Somebody Already Broke My Heart

2006-03-27T02:23:00.000-08:00

Somebody Already Broke My Heart

1 - You came along when I needed a savior
Someone to pull me through somehow
I've been torn apart so many times
I've been hurt so many times before
So I'm counting on you now
Somebody already broke my heart
Somebody already broke my heart
Here I am
So don't leave me stranded
On the end of a line
Hanging on the edge of a lie
I've been torn apart so many times
I've been hurt so many times before
So be careful and be kind

2 - Somebody already broke my heart
If someone has to lose, I don't want to play
Somebody already broke my heart
No, no I can't go there again

I Prefer Wine With My CHEEEEESE

2006-03-26T01:12:00.000-08:00

i'm a fucking ham.
i take pictures of myself all the time.

one night i went out with my chicas, but forgot the camera in the car. being the "conservationist" i am, i didn't want to walk back to the car... ok, ok, i just plain forgot about it. anyway, when i got home @ 3 am, i saw the camera sitting on the passenger seat and said to myself, "damn i didn't get to take pictures of my adventures tonight." so what do i do, i proceed to snap away and take a shitload of pictures!! i mean from every fucking anlge!

from the left (my good side... you know you have a good side too, so stop trippin').

from the right.

from the front.

smiling.

serious looking.

flirtatious.

c'mere look.

ok... you get the point.

the next day, my cousin needed the camera. i told her i needed to empty the memory card first. i inserted the memory card into the slot to save the pictures i've taken... when i downloaded it, there were 70 pictures i took of myself... i nearly peed in my pants from laughter. some of them turned out ok, check it...

and it don't stop!! here are some pictures i took @ the beach or @ the club... yeah, i said @ the fucking club...

some people won't admit to being a ham, but i embrace it! yeah, i know... i need a new hobby.

Walking a Mile in Someone Else's Shoes

2006-03-25T01:45:00.000-08:00

i've been on this gym trip lately. i've been going everyday. you know since i got the news that my ASS is bigger than a pregnant lady's stomach. even though my ass is chunky, i still try to look cute when i go to the gym. anyway, today i came back from the gym and my daughters, i mean demon seeds, were ragging on me for my non-matching outfit. so i was telling them that my tank top was baby blue, my workout pants were black with baby blue trim. they said my shoes didn't match. i told them my reebok shoes were white and grey with blue trim. what doesn't match? just cause my shoes ain't black? it's not like i was wearing cross brand names or something, like reebok shoes with nike or addidas gear (hmmmmmmm.... i wonder if these shoe companies will give me something for advertising their shit on my blog... moving on). but they kept screaming, "MOMMY YOUR SHOES DON'T MATCH!!!"

so i look down and i see this...

ROTFLMMFAO!!!

the shoe on the left is mine. the shoe on the right is my dad's (yeah he gots lady size feet)

when i went in the garage cause i thought my shoes were there, i saw a pair of reeboks and grabbed them. but i had my reeboks in my car but didn't know it. i didn't put my shoes on until i got in the car. my car is a mess, i have all kids of shit in the back, most of it is my workout stuff, but i grabbed 2 shoes, they both looked similar, one was for the right foot and one was for the left. so i put them on. duuuuuuuude, i thought i was looking too cute and even saw some folks i actually know... and i had on 2 totally different pairs of shoes!!! well.. at least they were the same brand.

i wonder if anybody else noticed? damn demon seeds are observant!

Felisha, Part Deux

2006-03-24T18:03:00.000-08:00

ok, remember the night of the mike epps debacle? i said it wasn't over right? well, here's some funny ish. remember felisha? well peep a few blogs below to get a brief history lesson.

the other day i saw felisha @ the gym and she asked me how i was doing, blah, blah blah... then asks if we were going out on friday night. i was like more than likely, but call ike. i didn't feel like giving her my number cause of the car thing... yeah, she's still asking to "borrow" my car. so when i saw her @ the gym, i called ike to tell her she got her hair did, cause she had bangs now and it was darker. you know when sista's get their hair did, its all shiny and shit.

for a while felisha's shit was looking fugged up. i dunno know what her deal was, but she was having major "bad hair days". i mean, i, an asian chick could spot the "new growth". it was getting so bad at one point she started wearing headbands to cover it. now you know when you gotta wear headbands, your shit if fucked up!

so the night of the mike epps thing, we head on over to rumours and felisha's there. she says hello and hangs out with ike and her man. ike hasn't seen felisha in about 3 weeks or so, so ike tells felisha, "you got your hair done huh? you cut bangs and it looks darker" felisha says, "yeah girl, i had to dye it darker cause my highlights were growing out. and i thought bangs would look cute." up until that point, ike is thinking that felisha hair is REAL. why you ask? cause ike is a little oblivious to the weave, track, wig thing... so felisha tells ike that she's "ALL NATURAL", hair included. ROTFLMFAO!!! here's a picture i took of her when she first asked to "borrow" my car...

now you know, i couldn't put her face out there like that right? i'm evil, but not that evil...LOL

do you see the "new growth"? (**click on the picture to enlarge) ... shit i can see it. tell me that shit is real... do you see how long that shit is? it's longer than my hair. do you see all the grease she had to plaster to hide that inch of "new growth"? c'mon folks! tell me it's real and i'll recant this story and write a public apology. even my homey nev said he knows her shit aint real, and he knows her... personally (no, not that kind of personally). now if a black man can tell you that your weave is a weave, that shit is FAKE!!!

no she di'int say that her hair is hers!!! lawdhammercy, she needs a PRN... she's a bit delusional.

PSA Of the Day...

2006-03-23T17:57:00.000-08:00

who wants to donate to my breast implant fund?

here's the deal, depending on the amount of your donation, i will allow you to "cop a feel" whenever you feel the need to feel some boobies. i mean, i know a lot of heifers that have implants and they say they need to be massaged routinely, so hey... we're BOTH gonna benefit from it right?

who's in? nev? ra ra? khary? pinizzle brizzle? miguel? strike jones? actually nev, you can't participate in the "cop a feel" thing, that would be like incest or something... you too khary.

shit! this plan is not working out very well...LMAO

How's Your Chicken?... My Chicken is Delicious

2006-03-22T16:54:00.000-08:00

have you ever been in a situation where you're there, just standing around politicking, and someone says some shit that is soooooooo uncomfortable you don't know what to say? kinda like how "goldie" (from flavor of love) said the tag, "how's your chicken? my chicken is delicious!", when all the cats were fighting.

here's my story:

location: neal blaisdell concert hall
event: mike epps comedy show

the show's over. of course this is an island so you know a lot of folk. everyone either just left to go to their next destination, more than likely to rumours or pipeline, and some stayed to "politic". of course the folks i went with, my girl and her man, ended up politicking. well, my girl saw her co-worker and they ended up talking. so as i was standing, one of these girls that we know came up to me and said hello. let's call this girl "tina". and for the sake of this conversation, let's call my homegirl "ike"... you'll get the correlation later.

here's the history on "ike & tina":

my girl ike and the girl tina used to hang out back in the day. at that time, both of them had significant others that were friends with each other. tina would go to bbq's @ ike's house, they'd bring the demon seeds together so they can play, going out to the club together... you get the picture. since then, both relationships have seen it's demise. BUT tina was still with her man a little longer than ike was with hers. so tina's man and ike's ex-man would still hang out. ike's ex-man got a new GF, tiffany. he used to bring her over to tina and her man's house to hang out. tina and tiffany became friends. one weekend me and ike went to the usual spot and ike spotted tina. with pure enthusiasm, ike yells, "wassup tina!!" and tina gave her the NY nod. at first ike put it off cause she was just tryna get her drink on. then later she saw tina with tiffany @ the club. so ike thought that tina was being shady. ike was bitter with tina.

now back to the night of the comedy show...

so tina said hello to me and we had small talk and she introduced me to her new man, rick. i said hello and rick ended talking to ike's man james. ike was still talking to her co-worker but when she was done, she just passed by tina as if she were invisible and stood by her man james. then this is the conversation thereafter...

tina: hey girl
ike: wassup bitch (and not in the friendly tone bitch, she said it with raw emotion)
tina: girl...
ike: naw man, i was finna beat your ass like ike beat tina (get the correlation now?)
tina: what are you talking about
ike: that night i saw you at the club, i was like, "wassup girl", and you played me. then i found out it was cause you were with tiffany
tina: its not even like that girl, we don't even hang like that
ike: well whatever bitch, you carried me

**keep in mind my princess ass is standing there like, OMG... please don't let the craziness come out... i can't run from the cops in these shoes

tina: girl...
ike: it's all good girl, it's cool, but please believe i was finna beat your ass... like ike beat tina.. in fact your new name is tina

-->> insert small talk for the next 2 minutes

ike: naw for real girl, how you been? that's your new man?
tina: he's just my friend
ike: how's the babies?
princess: they're geting big huh? i saw a picture of them... the last time i saw them was 2 years ago
tina: yeah girl, my son's about to go to kindergarten this august.

while all this conversation is going on, rick and james are having a few laughs on the side talking about whatever it is they're talking about. then comes the insanity... you know how you're in a club and the music is krunk (i can't believe i actually used that word), and there's chatter everywhere, then soemone says or does something stupid and the music stops? well here's that moment in this conversation...

ike: so girl (to tina), i heard that lamar choked the shit out of you

that's when the music stopped and i say...

princess: (to tina) girl those are some tiiiiiiiight shoes, where'd you get um from?
tina: i just got um today, charlotte russe
ike: yeah i heard lamar did that shit cause you be bringing your son around all these different dudes
princess: (to tina) are you losing weight?

lawdhammercy!!! i know ike did not say to tina in front of her new man rick while james is standing right there that she's a trife ho... well, she didn't say that, but that was the insinuation. that was THE most uncomfortable 2 miuntes of my life. my new name is "goldie".

after all of that, i was like, "alright then girl, we'll holler @ you later, i know you gotta go"... then after they left i told ike, "girl there's a time and place for everything, that was neither the time nor the place."

i guess i get why ike said that shit to her... she was hurt from what she misconstrued as betrayal. you would think that was the highlight of the evening, but there's more. stay tuned for felisha part 2... LMAO

Lily Aiko Heatherly

2006-03-22T12:59:00.000-08:00

my girl tracy is having a baby girl, her name is "lily". she had her shower a few weeks back, it was a nice event. got to see people i haven't seen in a while and enjoyed the excitement of welcoming a new person, not to mention seeing all of the gifts lily was getting. and it was a load...

for all the men reading my blog and have not been to a baby shower, the hostess creates games to play and you can win prizes. there are so many versions of "baby shower" games, but the one that's prolly gonna trip y'all out or have you on the floor dying of laughter is this one game where you cut a piece of ribbon to guess how big the mama's stomach is.

for those of you that personally know me, y'all know i got a booty, so being the "smart" person that i am, i say i'm gonna measure my ass. mistake #1. so i get my ribbon and wrap it around my body, well my ass, cause i'm thinking her belly's about the size of my ass. i mean she does have a whole nother person up in there, my ass can't possibly be bigger than that right? after everyone has cut their ribbon to guess, i'm thinking, "i got this". the hostess goes around to measure everyone's ribbon.... then comes my guess... duuuuude, my fucking ass was larger than her damn belly. and i'm not talking centimeters either... INCHES... maybe even a FOOT. ok, i don't think you understand what i'm saying, tracy has a living person in her belly and my ASS is larger than her damn belly! talk about depressing!! had to start going back to the gym cause of it.

but she is "all baby", you'd only know she was pregnant when she turned around, cause she still looks thin from the back. check it...

yeah, that's the infamous pink ribbon around my neck. LMAO

I know, I know...

2006-03-21T17:08:00.000-08:00

i haven't updated my blog in a while... but i have a good reason for it... i swear! read below

In Memory of...

2006-03-11T23:11:00.000-08:00

Matea Q. Cayabyab
March 10, 1925 – February 21, 2006

Matea Q. Cayabyab was born on March 10, 1925 in Pampanga, Philippines as the youngest of eight children. She survived the dangers of World War II, sometimes having to hide in sugarcane fields at night. With the drudgery of poverty and lack of opportunities, she made the sacrifice of letting her husband go to the Land of Promise with some of their sons, leaving her to take care of five young children. She had a total of eleven children, 8 boys and 3 girls

With fierce determination, she taught them faith and humility. With equal stubbornness, she refused to be indebted to anyone – and family legends of her feeding six mouths with one tuyo (dried fish) were born.

In 1971, she reunited with the rest of her family in Honolulu, Hawaii. Despite her lack of education, she was wise enough to realize that life in America was the only way her children would rise above poverty and ignorance. She pushed them to have at least a high school education, which, to someone who never passed second grade, was a grand achievement.

As a devout member of the Iglesia Ni Cristo, her prayers and faith carried her through a life filled with hardships and challenges.

Today, she is laid to rest in peace, having known that her sacrifices for her children’s futures were not in vain.

Services @ Mililani Memorial Park, Makai Chapel
Mililani, Hawaii
Friday, March 10, 2006
10:00 a.m. – Public Viewing
11:30 Acknowledgements
12:30 p.m. – Internment

Matea Q. Cayabyab was my grandmother.

my grandmother was one of THE strongest women i've known. she had a hard life. what's not mentioned in this program is that my when my grandma came to "the land of promise" with the rest of the family in tow, shortly thereafter, my son-of-a-bitch grandfather left her. from what my father told me, my grandfather said since the kids were in the "land of promise" he and my grandmother should go back to the phillipines. but my grandma said my aunts were still in school and didn't want to leave them. there were huge age gaps from the boys to the girls, my father was i think 12 (or more) years older than the oldest girl, so he had his family already and so did the rest of the boys.

so my grandma stayed in hawaii so the girls could pursue their education. the plan was for my grandma to go back when the last girl graduated. when my grandfather returned to the phillipines, he quickly got a young girlfriend... then had MORE CHILDREN!!! (you know fucking old filipino men, can't keep their "boto" in their pants, but more importantly, they continue to have MORE children... even if their 100 years old!) i've read my other cousin's blog about this subject, and her version was that my grandmother found a letter from a chick in the phillipines that said "come home, your children miss you". when my g-pa came home she said, "You stretch my cunt for your 11 kids, and this is what you do to me!" (all in filipino of course, and while screaming this she had a machete in hand...LMAO) anyway, whatever the damn story... my dad's version, my aunt's/uncle's version, the end result was that this mu'fucka got remarried (without divorcing my grandma), had a whole nother family (i have an "aunt" that my stankin ass g-pa made and i'm older than she is! trife... just fucking TRIFE i tell ya!!) and left my grandma in the "land of promise" by herself to raise the last of the 11 kids.

my father made a lot of sacrifices when my grandfather left. he'd tell me about how he'd go to my grandma's house first before coming home to my mom and us just to check on my grandma and aunts to make sure they were ok. especially grandma, i think she battled with a slight case of depression, but shit who wouldn't be depressed in that situation? luckily she had a strong faith in the lord, i don't think she woulda made it if she didn't.

one of my favorite memories about my grandma was that she thought aloe could cure anything. anytime you had an "owie" she'd say, "put aloe". never mind cleaning the sore out, just "put aloe"...LOL... another thing i fondly remember was that in the filipino or asian or hell, even hawaiian culture, you'd always respect your elders by kissing them on the cheek when you saw them and they'd return the love... not grandma... when you went in for the kiss, she'd press her nose against your cheek so hard and sniff the shit out of it... don't know why she did that... but i found it endearing.

it was her time to go home, she was more than ready. she died knowing that her dream to have her children "rise above poverty and ignorance" had become a reality. and because of her sacrifices and many hardships i want to thank her immensely, for without it, i would not have been born.

i love you grandma... check on me from time to time.

Kool Aid, No Sugar... Ham, No Burger... Insurance, NO CAR!!!

2006-02-18T03:05:00.000-08:00

today was a hard day for me @ work, my homies are leaving for a 6 month tour and another homey (hey ra ra) came from japan for a training convention here in hawaii. so i had to get out there and have a drink.
we went to a party first, then we all went to the usual spot...

we ran in to some familar faces and met new people as well. i usually just post up somewhere and get my drink on cause the homies be tryna "mingle". i had a spot and was getting my drink on, but i guess this one chick started to irritate nev, so he wanted to move. we moved to the other side of the club, and it just so happened that we ended sitting next to this chick i met and have hung out with on occasion (rarely) through my girl b. let's call the chick, "felisha". when i sat down with "felisha", here's how the conversation went:

felisha: "nev's boat is about to go on tour huh?" (she's in the navy as well, and knows some of the people on nev's boat).

me: "yeah, they're leaving next week."

felisha: "girl, you know my car's in the shop right?"

me: "no girl, B didnt' tell me"

felisha: "yeah girl, it's like $8000 worth of damage."

me: "for real?"

now, i don't know this chick all too well, so i'm thinking this is just a small conversation thing she's tryna build with me. little did i know the plan that was brewing in her brain...

felisha: "yeah girl. so since my car is in the shop, my insurance only covers about a month and half for my rental car. it's been a month already and i don't want to pay out of pocket and the car place says it's still not ready and since nev's going out to sea, what is he gonna do with his car?"

me: "he was thinking about leaving it in front of my house, but i dunno what he's finna do."

felisha: "well girl, i just need a car like to and from work, cause if i want to go out, i could just catch a ride or something. so i was wondering, can i BORROW your car just until my car is out of the shop? i mean i wouldn't ask you to let me borrow nev's car cause i wouldn't feel comfortable driving it, but i figure you can use his car and i can use yours."

at that point, all i could think of was this...

...what kinda shit is that? you wanna borrow my car? most people wanna borrow sugar... you wanna borrow my car? HELL NAW!!!! - smokey (chris tucker) from the movie "friday"

i bugged the fuck out when she asked me! keep in mind that i only really hang out with her when B is around, i've known her for less than a year, all the conversations i've had with her lasted less than 10 minutes, she doesn't call me on the reg to say wassup or vice versa... bottom line i don't know her like that to be borrowing my damn car!! what's even worse? she wants to borrow my car cause hers is in the shop!! let me say it again, she wants to BORROW my car while her car is in the shop with 8 THOUSAND dollars worth of damage and she wants to borrow my car? she must be smoking crack like the chick FELISHA on the movie friday!

i though i had had balls, but this bitch got big fat hairy balls that don't itch!

Agreeing with Mikey

2006-02-15T01:38:00.000-08:00

i am in total agreement with my friend miguel. this has got to be THE best show vh1 has come up with thus far. whoever thought of the premise of the show needs a fucking raise. 20 chicks, that really aren't that bad looking, WILLING to date this dude...

i'm sure he's a great guy, shit... i think he's fucking hilarious. his vocabulary is "exestensial"... and his style of wardrobe is less than ordinary. but the fact remains, he's still one ugly mu'fucka. you can't fuck a personality, y'know?

the chicks that are still standing is... "hoopz", "pumkin", "goldie", and "new york" (he came up with these names y'all, and yes they are misspelled by the man himself). "hoopz" is the best looking than all the other girls, she's a beautiful girl. she kinda has this quiet demeanor, but the ghetto fabulousness of her can get out when prompted... especially when brigitte came in. as for "pumkin", i think after brigitte and the whole surreal life/strange love thing, flav has this thing for white women. i mean she's average, but not the cutest white girl. she's kinda just there to talk shit and make out with flav. "goldie", now that's my girl. i love her, i want her to win. she cracks me up. she's the one who said, "how's your chicken? my chicken is delicious." when all the cats were fighting at the dinner table. she even said this about the voted off heifer "hottie" in one episode, "well, we all know everyone has a gift and hottie's gift, is the gift of song"... lawdhammercy i almost died when she said that. she says it with such sweetness cause i think she truly is a GENUINE person. even though i want her to win, i know in the end she won't. cause one, she's a big girl (i think she's still cute though cause of her spirit) and two, i don't think she's "feelin him" the way he would want her to. now "new york"... wooooooooo!! she's something else. i think she may be bi polar. in fact i think she is bi polar. this heifer said she LOVED flav, she even passed the lie detector test when brigitte asked her she loved flav... the broad is crazy. how are you gonna be "in love' with someone you really don't know and you're competing with other chicks for HIS love? and she's MAD jealous. not to mention fucking delusional. you know those spots on MTV that have the cartoons, delusional cheerleader/actor/rocker... yeah they need one of those for her. and what's with her speaking with her eyes closed all the time?

like my previous blog said, i don't watch alot of TV, but this is one show i refuse to miss.

DUH!!!

2006-02-08T00:40:00.000-08:00

i don't really watch alot of television, but when i do, i'm stuck watching commercials. well... i could change it, but my "conservationist ass" kicks in and i just leave it there. some commercials are pure genius, some of them i just shake my head thinking, i know they did not spend MILLIONS of dollars on the marketing for this product. i know that the CEO's of the world is not letting these outta college mu'fuckas blow smoke up their asses thinking, 'yeah biff that's a GREAT idea'.

what am i talking about you ask? here are some visuals...

Burger King and Wendy's have spent MILLIONS of dollars marketing the idea "have it your way". like, you can create your burger any way you want it... no pickles, no onions, extra cheese, etc. Wendy's has this elaborate commercial where there were synchronized dancers/singers dressed up as vegetables simulating the omission of certain ones dependent upon your ordering. Burger King has a freakin' jingle "have it your way"(which i'm sure they had to pay the person that created the melody or "track" and pay the person that sang the jingle) ...

WELL NO SHIT SHERLOCK!!

of course you can "have it your way", can you imagine going to McDonald's or ANY other food establishment and you're ordering your food...

"can i get a #1 combo, no pickles or onions. with a coke with NO ice."

and the teenage, acne faced, mouth full of braces kid tells you...

"sorry, that's how we serve our big mac sir. it HAS to come with pickles and onions or we'll have to charge you labor for removing said items. also, our beverages come WITH ice, if you don't want the complimentary ice with your drink, we'll have to charge you a little more because you are actually getting 32 oz instead of 16 oz because of the ice not being there."

wouldn't you say to the punk, "WTF???"

do these company's (Burger King and Wendy's) actually think that we don't know we can "have it our way" without it even being said?

why spend millions of dollars on these commercials saying "have it your way"? i mean i know every company has to have a slogan but c'mon, whatever happened to "where's the beef?"... that shit was brilliant!

ok, my random thought is over. anyone else care to explain why they choose to continue this stupid campaign? i'm welcoming any representative from Burger King or Wendy's to change my mind on how stupid their marketing strategy is.

I'm In Love With a Stripper.... well just the song, not the actual stripper

2006-02-07T04:53:00.000-08:00

i think tonight was the most comedic night i've had in a while.

it involves my homey, my cousin, my other homey and a chick that's profession isn't a little girl's dream when they grow up...

we all had to go to dave & buster's for nava's going away party. since homey was on a date with, let's call her "na na"...as in "ill na na"... lol. wait... i think i talked about her in a previous blog, remember the time homey took me out to dinner instead of going out with her? yeah... that's her... the one does the pretty phenomenal thing with her thing... anyway, earlier in the day homey IM's me and asks if was going to nava's thing @ dave & buster's, i told him of course, and asked him if he was going. he said he was but had to go out with "na na" first. so i asked him, "are you bringing her?" he says, "naw man, i don't wanna hang out with her like that. we're going to dinner early enough so i'll call you when i'm finna come to scoop you up." **if y'all didn't already know, i'm a fucking princess and like to be driven everywhere.**

so i text him when i get home cause amazingly i'm ready to go. he's still on his date with na na. keep in mind this party started @ 5 ish and he was planning on getting me @ 7:30. so around 7 ish i tried calling him but he didn't answer, so plan b was in effect... i had to drive my happy ass down there myself. so me and my cousin gets in the car and as i'm almost on the freeway, homey calls me to stop by his house to get our other homey khary. i was like man... you trippin. so i go and scoop khary up. we get to d&b's and everyone's asking where nev is.... i tell them he's on his way. so i call nev and he tells me "they're" at the mall cause na na needed to get something to wear. i was like, "wtf?? i thought you didn't want to hang out with her like that? why'd you have to stop @ the mall, was the heifer nekkid?"... so as i'm laughing my ass off, i give the folks the update... and as they're laughing we carry on with the games.

we're hungry, so we all decide to sit and eat. while we're sitting and eating... in walks nev and na na. at first they were at the bar, being anti-social and shit. then they gradually gravitated to our table. so we're doing the intro's, "hi my name is na na".... etc. when they came to sit down, my cousin was talking about this restaurant she went to in kailua. it was a morrocan restaurant, 5 star, great ambience and pretty exclusive, they're only opened on specific days for like 2 and a half hours during dinner, so you can imagine how hard it is to get in there. as she's talking about the atmosphere the food and the service, na na says, "oh my god, speaking of good food. have you guys ever been to that japanese BUFFET across the street from the mall." as we're looking at each other in amazement, my wise ass says, "naw girl, i haven't been there". then she says, "yes girl, it is so good. they have all the skrimps you want to eat." how in the hell do you go from one spectrum to another? then my cousin, with her tactful self says to me, "you should try this jack daniels chicken". just to change the subject cause we was about to die from laughter. then na na says to us, "have you ever been to TGIF's?". we say no. she says, "well they have this whole menu dedicated to jack daniels. jack daniels chicken, jack daniels skrimps, jack daniels steak." woooooooooo this chick is off the hook. but that's not all folks. yup.... that's not all folks. i really don't know how the conversation led to this, but na na asked my cousin what she does. my cousin told her she was a nurse. so na na says, "home halth nurse?". my cousin says, "no. like for real nurse. i'm an RN for the ICU department @ Pali Momi." then na na says, "oh, cause i was a home health nurse. went to school for 2 years." so with my smart ass, i say to her, "were you a CNA?" she says, "yes" for those of you that don't know a CNA is pretty mucha 12 week course, and basically you clean up the shit the RN's don't do. you know change sheets, wipe asses, clean bed pans... the crappy stuff the RN's don't do. as i'm dying inside from laughter, my cousin, being the sweet chick she is asks her why she stopped doing that, cause we ALL knew what her profession was. she told us, "girl i had to stop doing that because i had PRE-cancerous cells." as we're looking at her with the scooby doo "ruh??", my cousin who's a fucking RN asks her, "so how's everything going with that, are you ok? are you on any medication?". you'll never guess what she says... na na says, "yeah girl, i'm ok. i'm on birth control." woooooooooooo...LMAO!!! i had to get the fuck outta there. i excused myself to smoke a cigarette cause that was just too much for me.

but that's not all, yeah i said... that's not all. we're upstairs on the roof bar, cause you can smoke up there. we're drinking having a good time. then i went to the bar cause i needed an ashtray. here comes na na. she asks me if i wanted a drink. i was like, i'm alright. she insisted. so i say "ok, get me a sexy alligator.' i'm waiting for the ashtray and she's ordering the drinks, and what happens when the bartender tells her the total? she unloads like a million crumpled dollar bills. i give the bartender the eye like, "do NOT put that in your mouth" and thank her for my drink gracefully and head to the table.

yeah that was a pretty fun night. can't wait til their next date! i'm coming with!!

Traffic, Idiots all on ONE Island

2006-01-27T15:46:00.000-08:00

"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups"

i must have a slight case of road rage this week, cause this is my second post regarding driving habits of the local kine folks here in hawaii.

first, let's get to this fucking genius...

Running on empty leads to stolen-car arrest
Police Beat; Honlulu Advertiser Staff

A 26-year-old woman was arrested yesterday for suspicion of driving a stolen vehicle after the car she was driving stalled on the H-1 Freeway's Waipahu exit ramp.
Police said a solo bike officer noticed the car, which was pulled off on the shoulder lane with its emergency flashers on, at about 6 a.m. and stopped to see what was wrong.
The lone female driver told the officer she had run out of gas, police said.
The officer did a routine check on the car's registration and learned from police dispatchers that a used car dealer had reported it stolen. The officer then arrested the driver without incident.

this situation backed up traffic for fucking HOURS cause this heifer steals a car, runs outta gas, but stays @ the scene of the crime to see if anyone will help her get gas for the empty STOLEN vehicle. um hello... that ain't your car bitch!!! you know a cop's finna stop and ask if you need help... you need to make like a tree and leave. what a dumbass!!

moving on to the next subject.... RAIN. why in the hell can't people drive in the rain? it's just like driving on a clear day, only you have to use your windshield wipers!! why in the hell are y'all braking so much? why are you only going 25 MPH on the fucking freeway? then of course cause them folks can't drive in the rain, there's a slew of traffic accidents and stalled vehicles, that i might add are ALREADY moved to the SIDE, which doesn't warrant a 3 hour traffic jam. it's these nosy mu'fuckers tryna see what the deal is.... "wow that car's fucked up!!".... that ain't necessary folks.... just keep it moving or you will create yet ANOTHER traffic accident delaying the traffic even LONGER.

hopefully today will be a better day... the rain is starting to subside and the sun is peeking out. it's friday, it's got to be better.

Don't Funk With My Heart

2006-01-26T03:11:00.000-08:00

i've been told that i've been in a "funk" as of late. my cousin claims its been like a month or so, but i say its been about a couple of weeks. my "funk" includes; my irritation level or "bitch switch" on high, i watch more TV than usual, i don't really want to go anywhere (even if someone says "they got me") and i haven't been the phenomenal dresser that i usually am. i thought it was cause i was having my "aunt flo" coming for a visit, but she packed her bags and left days ago and i'm still sitting in this "funk".
so as i'm pondering why i'm in this "funk", i finally figure it out.
let's rewind to the "moving day" blog. remember when i said we had to move all the shit from my room to another room and so on and so forth? well, i think "tha hustla" (my vibrator) got lost in transit! *sniff, sniff, tear*
the last time i saw my best friend, he was sitting peacefully on my window sill. then the day after the "move" i realize that i left my friend by the window. so i'm like, "FUCK!!!" when i look on the window sill, he's not there... double FUCK!! so i'm telling nev (DAH) about the reason i've been in this funk, and his smart ass says, "well maybe he hopped out the window" (it's also called a "rabbit") ...mu'fucka was tryna make jokes when i have a mad crisis going on!
to sum it all up, that's the reason for my "funk", i can't find my best friend and i'm so missing him. i think another trip to suzie's is warranted.... nev, you coming with? (((LMAO)))

Education is KEY

2006-01-25T02:27:00.000-08:00

can anyone tell me what this sign says?

it says MERGE, mu'fuckas!!

i swear people in hawaii cannot drive for shit! i mean i am from hawaii, but i've lived in the mainland so you learn real quick when it comes to driving, cause road rage ain't no joke there. people kill over that shit!

if the sign says "MERGE", what are you supposed to do when you're getting off an offramp? carefully merge yo' ass into the lane that it's merging into. naw, these "kama'aina's" gon' STOP right where you posed to be merging. don't they know that's how they cause the traffic problems we have here?

another problem we have here is sunday drivers in the fast lane. ooooooooooh that shit pisses me off.

here's a lesson for you local folks....

left lane = fast lane, meaning drive faster than the cars to the right of you

right lane = you can drive how ever the fuck slow you want cause you in the slow lane

now that we've all been schooled on the milf's driver's education course, can we please get the fuck out the fast lane if you driving 20 MPH and learn how to MERGE?

I Was Lost, Now I'm Found

2006-01-24T00:31:00.000-08:00

i have been neglecting this blog... i don't even know why, cause crazy shit happens to me daily... but i'm back biatches!!

Moving Day

2006-01-13T18:23:00.000-08:00

my parents decide to get new bedroom furniture. so my dad's spectacular plan was to move their furniture into my room and mine into the other room and voila, a new room for everbody. problem is... one, i didn't think their shit was gonna fit in my room... and two, I HATE MOVING. i mean my room was fine, i didn't need a bigger bed or dresser... it was cool the way it was, leave the shit alone. but nooooooooo they needed to get a "temperpedic" bed and go to deZign and get some metro furniture that costs waaaaay too much... i thought we were poor?
anyway, in order to get all this shit done i had to make arrangements with my job to have a pick up for the old furniture that we were getting rid of and get a tax write off for the donation. i make the appointment and book the driver to come, my mom calls me that morning and starts going OFF! she seriously trips for no fucking reason sometimes. she's yelling @ me cause i didn't take the headboard apart from the bed... so of course i snap back, (in hindsight that was not a good idea) and tell her, "i'm not the one who wanted new furniture, you guys did, my room was fine the way it was, so i aint doing shit." i guess i should have "toned" it differently...lol... so she is definitely heated after that go around and hangs up on me. then 10 seconds later i get a call from daddy, "ok, what happened"... so i tell my dad my version and of course he calms me down and i have to drive all the way from work back home to make sure shit gets done right and to take apart the headboard... um hello? why couldn't the heifer do it?
to sum it all up, my mom won and i ended up doing what she told me... there's gotta be a better way!

A Princess On Her Throne

2006-01-10T03:32:00.000-08:00

i'm @ DAH's crib... and i have to pee... and my dumbass does not check FIRST before sitting on the seat if there's any toilet paper.... whattayaknow, NO FUCKING TOILET PAPER!!... anywhere!
so i'm calling DAH, and through the door i hear, "WHAT????" i tell him in an irritated voice, "fuck, i need toilet paper." as he's laughing he says, "how are we gonna do this?". at that point i don't even care, i just need some asswipe... or catwipe i should say cause i wan't poo'ing. i told him, "shit just come in and give it to me."
when he opens the door, he has his back towards the bathroom and is flailing his arms wildly so he can pass a roll to me... he's such a gentlemen aint he? i'm like "shit, just throw it, i don't care." he feels that someone sitting on the toilet is a person that is most vulnerable... i'm like shit, i don't care who sees me sitting on the toilet, just give me what i need or do what you gotta do and i'm out. i have NO qualms about anyone seeing me at my worst. i think that happens when you have kids. when you're giving birth, you don't care who sees all of that going on down there, you just want to get that baby out.
he thinks just cause i was in a position where i was MOST vulnerable (in his opinion), i may think less of my "princess-ness"... shhhhhhhhhhiet, i'm still a fucking princess, i got the toilet paper didn't i?

No Late Fees

2006-01-09T00:32:00.000-08:00

the boys on the port royal had to head to sea for some trainings, but my DAH didn't have to go because of his ankle injury *wink, wink*... so his homeboy malik asked him to take him to the boat the morning they were leaving and handle some business with his car. but before malik gets out the car, he asks, "hey man can you return those videos for me?". so DAH is like cool, i can do that for ya, no problem... of course y'all know where this "returning of videos" thing is going right? what's in the package?... you guessed it....

Black Ice "BUMP N GRIND"

and

"BIG BLACK WET ASSES 3"

wooooo, just typing that shit is cracking me up (((LMAO))).

so homeboy calls me and tells me the story, and i'm thinking in my head "riiiiiiiiiiiiight, 'malik' asked you to drop those off". so in order to keep my homeboy's "too much game to need porn" reputation, i told him that i'll take the videos in the store, we were going to best buy that night anyway, he was looking to get an MP3 player and i needed a printer for my camera, so while he's driving he tells me that the videos need to go back to diamond head video (DHV), but he's passing the damn store. so i tell him that DHV is in the pearl kai shopping center. he tells me that malik told him that the store he rented them from was by xtreme rims, so as we're arguing over where the location of the rental place is, you would think that the name of the place would be stamped/stickered somewhere on the box, but naw man it just had numbers... wtf?? so now i have no choice but to go in all the porn looking video rental places to return these videos so malik won't incur a late fee (see nev, i am a nice person). malik said the store was called diamond video rental or some shit like that and it was across from xtreme rims but that store closed @ 6... i mean anybody knows that a decent porn store is 24 hours right? so we figure that aint the place.

so i go in store #2 ask the salesperson behind the counter with the beer belly, goatee that needs a serious trim, 5 o'clock shadow white dude if they rent these videos here. and he says, "yeah we do" then proceeds to tell me about the collection of porn movies they rent. i'm trying to explain to him that i'm not here to get MORE rentals, i'm trying to give back these rentals to the right place. he looks @ the box and says, "sorry, that's not ours... but we have many of those similar videos for rent as well, do you want to go in the section?".... as i'm walking out the door cause i ain't tryna walk in a puddle of potential children on the floor... he's still telling me to come look at their selections.... NEXT!!

on to store #3, DHV.... keep in mind that DAH is in the car just dropping my ass off waiting for me IN THE CAR while i'm the one having to do all the legwork... i go into DHV and ask these asian dudes that look 17 and have the softest looking hands, if these are their videos, of course the asian dudes are smarter and just give me the "no, these aren't our boxes and we have a sticker with our name on it". so i say, "yeah that's a smart thing to do when you rent videos right?". i walk out of the store, but DAH is NOWHERE to be found... i'm like wtf? i have 2 porn videos not in a package in front of a known porn rental place and you ain't anywhere to be found? finally after waiting about 20 minutes (ok, it was actually about 3 minutes, he circled the parking lot), i get back in the car. after that store we just give up... well ok, i gave up.

so that was about 45 minutes of my life WASTED that i'll never get back.

turns out, it was that store that closed @ 6... when DAH goes in the store the next day, they knew malik like he was an investor or something cause he frequented the place, OFTEN... so all worked out well. he didn't get a late fee, the store got its videos... and i got to be labeled the chick that was trying to return big black wet asses 3. yeah... fun!

It's Over!!

2005-12-17T00:31:00.000-08:00

the company holiday party was a success. thanks to my homegirl emma and my super duper assistant with the cute squeaky voice and her love slave jay, everything went off pretty well. my boy's band point zero five was awesome, they played a little bit of everything, from bob marley to jack johnson to the dude that sings "sittin' on the dock of the bay".... they were so good, it was kinda unreal.
just wanted to say thanks to everyone who helped support my fundraisers and the cause. y'all are awesome! and for everybody else who didn't help.... boooooooooooooo, you suck! just kidding...lol... hope everyone had a good time!

Vacation Crap...

2005-12-14T00:29:00.000-08:00

here's my DC/MD trip in a nutshell...

club was fun, people were lovely... but some of the folks needed some help.

on the plus side, on my way to MD, i had a 8 hour layover (yeah, i said EIGHT) in L.A. luckily i have this friend who is wickedly funny and often times i say to myself this man is brilliant... whose name happens to be miguel.... he picked me up from LAX and hung out with me for the day. we were actually on this search for furry boots cause of course i packed 2 hours before my flight and forgot the ones i had... so he took me to the grove and beverly center to find something, but to no avail, nothing was "OMG... gotta have those." so we ended up just going into stores just to kill time. i did hit the victoria's secret store though, i had to get a bra for one of my homegirls, the body by victoria bra (cop it, it'll change your life!!). it was a fun time, he even came with me to get a pedicure.... so thanks miguel! you're one of the best!!

Random Thoughts... ALOUD!

2005-12-04T23:01:00.000-08:00

since i can't think of anything to write, i'm just gonna list random shit in my head at the moment

just 3 more days, and i'm on VACATION
my DAH is telling me this funny story about his travels in australia it involves a dude with a funny name, another dude that has a fettish with midget porn, and some smacking of asses in the kitchen of a house full of folks
i think i raped my friend miguel's computer
how was i supposed to know that the links were faulty?
sorry mi amigo
what the hell am i gonna wear on this trip?
i know i should travel comfortably, but i can't be a "princes" and a bum all in the same breath
nev... i know you're dying on that one
i need to call teej
"leaving on a jet plane/don't know when i'll be back again"
why can't i get that fucking song outta my head?
i wonder if they'll upgrade me to first class with all the maika'i points i've accumulated
ok... only hawaii people will get that one
i suck at random thoughts
i guess sometimes i just need to stop while i'm ahead.
should i start packing or just go shopping instead?
go shopping
just like when you run out of clean underwear, fuck laundry, you go out and get you new shit when you're a conservationist like myself.
tell me you haven't done that shit before... socks?
...yeah i thought so

I'm Trying Dammit!

2005-12-03T23:01:00.000-08:00

my gramps came into town today. i haven't seen him for about 5 years. besides the regular hugs/kisses and small talk when i first see him, he tells me "why haven't you lost weight yet?". let me rewind for a minute and just say that when he saw me the last time, i just had my 2 nd child and was in a funk so to speak when it came to my appearance. i just didn't give a rat's ass, i was married, unhappy with the "bliss" and just had a baby. so excuse me if i wasn't looking like a fucking supermodel and shit.
mu'fucka almost made me hit an elderly person today. got dammit, i'm going to the gym and trying to work it out. give a bitch a break!
on a side note, he still thinks i'm pretty...lol

Pimpin' All Over The World

2005-12-02T03:51:00.000-08:00

finally.... i am going on vacation. not in my backyard. not in waikiki. off this island. that's right.... the bitch is gonna be gone! "i'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know if i'll be back again." just kidding, i gotta come back.

anyway, i will be heading out to the MD/DC area next week.... december 7 - 13. i've been fortunate enough in my life to travel quite extensively for an "island girl", but i have never been to the MD/DC area. i will be hamming it up though, taking pictures of all of the touristy shit. the monument with my furry boots, sitting in abe's lap, slapping a photo of myself on the walls of the smithsonian... ok, some of those things may get me arrested, so i might not go that far. hopefully the city will show me some love, cause my friend miguel is trying to scare me by giving me links to sites that list the cities that have the highest crime rate.... and what's #3 & #6? you guessed it, baltimore (MD) & washington (DC). but that's not what i'm really worried about, what i am worried about is the damn cold ass weather. i've lived in the "states" before, but have been in hawaii for the last 3 years and my body is acclimated to this frickin weather. but i know it'll be ok. the adrenaline from just being on vacation will keep me warm, and besides they have alcohol there right?

i know some of you don't know what to do without me, cause my stories keep your days interesting, but i'll be back bitches!

Dontcha Wish Ya Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me....

2005-12-01T01:59:00.000-08:00

i always get asked this question..."why are you single?". i think everyone assumes that the reason i'm single is that i must boil rabbits in the kitchen cause i'm being ignored, fatal attraction, crazy psycho biatch type shit.
but the truth is, i am quite content at where i'm at right now. being single has had its moments... it's been funny as hell going out on "dates", having vibrator malfunctioning moments making my DAH get me a new one for my b-day, being able hang out and listening to the drama that goes on in my "involved" friends lives.

i'm single, but not alone.

while i am open to maybe having a realtionship one day, i really love where i'm at right now.

so NO, i'm not single cause i'm crazy.... i'm single cause i'm not!

And Now There's Weirdness Between Us....

2005-11-28T13:41:00.000-08:00

the other day i was talking to my DAH on messenger. as a joke, i turned on the web cam and told him, "i know you miss me, and just in case you miss seeing my face... here it is..." and with the power of technology, there i was chatting it up with him and he was able to see me.
anyway, we were shooting the shit, he was telling me what he was up to, if he shagged anyone else, what the boys were up to and him getting ready to leave SD. i seriously don't know how we got on subject, cause i so forgot to save the IM convo, but he was saying something to the effect where he was collecting money from his friends cause they could see me on cam. i think i said some smart ass shit prior and told him he needs to charge his buddies to talk to the princess, and he said he got $1.50 or something. and i told him.... "oh hell, don't make me stand up jigga" then he collected like another buck or something. then i said "maybe i should just do a 'girls gone wild' thing" ... then he started to collect more money. so a couple minutes went by and he was talking shit, i was talking shit. then i stood up and flashed the cam. to my amazement i see fricking areolas and some nipples.... WTF??? i totally did not mean to flip my shirt up that high and forgot i didn't have a bra on. when i was watching it on my end it was like 2 seconds. then 5 seconds later i get a response from DAH:
"WHOA!!!!!!!!"
"I FUCKING SAW THAT!!!"
i was rolling. what's even funnier? he said that he was on a laptop and what seemed like 2 seconds to me was actually 10 seconds on his end... it was going in like slow motion and shit.
i'm really like, shit, i don't care.... but then he was like, "ewwwww now there's gonna be 'weirdness' between us". i said, "naw man, you need to scrape that shit off your brain".
so he calls me later on that night to say wassup, and then he gets all giggly and shit. we tallk about the "girls gone wild" experience and are laughing are asses off about it. then you know when you're talking to someone and there's a weird silence? well, we had many of those, followed by gigglies on his end.
i guess he couldn't scrape the shit off his brain.
and now there's weirdness between us.... lmao

Congratulations Are in Order

2005-11-27T23:48:00.000-08:00

for those that think that me and my DAH have a more "significant" friendship (that would be my cousin and his friends) , i am happy to report that he got some booty last night. i was telling him that maybe me and him hanging out so much has "cramped" his style. actually, i have been cramping his style. when i finally cashed in on my b-day dinner, he did give up some guaranteed booty. his conversational skills were not all there and i know his mind was somewhere else....like how he was finna smack it, flip it, rub it down.... but because he flaked on so many occasions, he felt the need to fulfill this dinner plan. i even told him to go hit that, we can go another time, but naw, he was tryna keep his game tight (with the stripper chick he was supposed to get with).
he's in san diego right now and all his friends were getting some, if you seen his friends... well.... let's just say they're um, ... never mind... and they have NO business trying to be picky, so they're like," fuck it man, pussy is pussy". they were clowning him cause he was "picky" and not putting any effort to "handle it". he did have many prospects while there, but if you ever meet the homey, he's kinda like if it's too much work, he ain't tryna hear it. he'll delete a bitch's number in a minute if she acts a fool. but i think he went into "last quarter" mode during the past few days there and got the job done.

so in honor of this accomplishment... congratulations homey, now everyone can stay off your back.

Autograph Anyone?

2005-11-27T00:00:00.000-08:00

OMG, i'm a fucking celebrity!! the commercial has started airing and i'm getting phone calls from people i haven't heard from in a minute telling me they saw me on tv. i'm even getting emails and messages about my new found celebrity-ness.
let me know if y'all want an autograph, no charge... no going through my agent... hollywood here i come!

**okay i need to stop taking the blue pills i think i'm getting dellusional (((LMAO)))**

Just Another Manic Friday

2005-11-25T22:43:00.000-08:00

it's the day after thanksgiving and i had to come in to work. which makes NO kind of sense to me. its not like i want the day off cause i'm planning to shop, cause i HATE "black friday", but no one is here. there's about 6 frickin people here... hello? how productive can one be? i got 2 phone calls all day. well, i could find something to do... like clean my desk... hell, shit gets lost in 2 minutes. but nah... i just wish i had the day off, paid day off that is.
on a side note, i'm feeling manic, maybe cause it is a "shopping day", and i want to take a trip. hmmmm, vacation time?

Missing You.... My Homage To DAH

2005-11-22T17:18:00.000-08:00

i kinda miss my DAH. no one to hang out with on sundays. no one to talk to about random shit. no starbucks moments. no excuse to go to strip bars, LMAO. and more importantly, no damn ride when i want to go out (even though i end up driving his drunk ass back home).
he'll be back on december 22nd. i wonder if he'll be mad when he sees his "metro" apartment, i'm house sitting and can't stand a house that feels college dorm-ish. not saying that his crib ain't tight the way it is, but it has "flare" now... no, not "flames"... let's call it FLAVA! oh well, at least the chicks will dig it... just kidding nev, it ain't that bad... i promise! (well, nothing too pink)

Parentals Having a Birthday

2005-11-20T16:01:00.000-08:00

ironically, my mom's b-day is november 19th and my dad's is november 20th. when i was little i thought they made that shit up just so we could remember their birthdays. but as i got older, i got smarter and asked to see their ID's and they were telling the truth. so as you can imagine, today i will be coming off some cheese. my cousin, who is an ICU RN and makes BANK, decided that we should go tri-ways on this brunch (my cousin, my brother and myself). it would be one thing if the damn brunch was at sizzler, but naw she gets reservations @ the hawaii prince hotel golf course. that shit just sounds expensive! well, actually it ain't that bad, the bill was about $200... BUT we got a discount cause my daddy knew one of the chicks that was a server.

my mom's into these korean soap opera DVD's and those cost a grip and my dad's hobby... golf. um hello? do they not know that i'm a single mother?

anyway, this blog is my birthday wish to them...

Working It Out

2005-11-19T23:00:00.000-08:00

i've been going to the gym on the reg. and it sucks balls. why can't the fat just fall off? i mean hair falls off, why can't fat? ...i'm just sayin'
on the plus side.... i lost 7 pounds. but, just like the folks on that reality show "the biggest loser"... 7 pounds ain't shit when you're tryna lose 60.
but i'm trying folks, really i am!

Girls Night

2005-11-18T05:00:00.000-08:00

went out with the chicas tonight to our usual club we frequent. it was a fun time. even one of my homegirls that usually stays her ass at home came out.

the only thing that bothers me about the club is that i seriously come out to just hang out, get my drink on, and pretty much talk shit about what the hell folks are wearing, cause you know that some people are just a mess. *shakes head with amazement*

but for some reason, when folks are drinking, they start acting a fool and think they can say or do some random shit cause the alcohol is in a controlled environment.

so here's my PSA for the day:

dude.... if i'm not giving you the eye contact for you to come hither.... don't waste the trip. cause more than likely, i ain't tryna hear what the hell kind of shit you like to do or what kind of materialistic shit you got to floss (even though you're really on the passenger's side of your best friends ride). oh and another thing.... don't be tryna grab on someone's body part when s/he is walking by, especially if you don't know the person. hello? BOUNDARIES, folks!

so in order to conserve time and energy it even takes to muster up such courage to do such things, be advised that if i want to say hello, i will.

trust me, i will.

45 Random Things

2005-11-17T21:38:00.000-08:00

1. my middle name is edralin (i'm filipino DAMMIT!)

2. i have 2 tattoos

3. listening to the song "spolied" by joss stone

4. the last 2 digits of my cell phones (yes i said phones, i'm pimpin'...lol) is 85 and 25

5. the last thing i ate was eggplant/tofu stir fry

6. last person i hugged was my daughter savannah

7. i am a smoker

8. last person i talked to on the phone, my DAH

9. the first thing i notice about the opposite sex is what kind of shoes he is wearing

10. my favorite type of food is italian, although my metabolism doesn't support it, i eat it anyway

11. i drink like a fish when i'm out with the chicas

13. "the goonies" is my favorite movie from my childhood

14. my hair color right now is about 3 different colors, dark brown with red and blonde highlights

15. my eyes are brown

16. i should be wearing glasses, but since the DMV failed to put a restriction on my license, even though i failed the eye exam miserably, i won't wear it until absolutely necessary

17. my favorite holiday... none, cause it always requires me to come off some cheese

18. favorite season is winter, even though i live in hawaii

19. i'm a crier when there's a sappy moment in movies

20. the last movie i watched was zathura

29. book i'm reading now, "why do men have nipples?"

30. i had a belly button ring once but got pregnant shortly after i got it and my doctor told me i had to remove it before it got infected.

31. one of my favorite movies is "armageddon"

32. i don't have a favorite sports team to root for.... hello? i'm from hawaii, we ain't got a team!!

33. i think i am gonna take the job in GA

34. i have a dog that gets on my nerves but can't get rid of him

35. i'm right handed

37. prefer dogs to cats (cats are bitches!)

38. my favorite flower... tulip

39. i have a passport, but no visa stamps in it

40. i watch "that's so raven" cause my daughter loves that show and i actually like some episodes

42. i only need 1 pillow to lay my head on when sleeping

43. i'm still friends with my ex, he calls to check on me regularly

44. i never got into a fist fight with anyone in my 30 years of existence (amazing for the smart ass mouth i have)

45. i got this random things survey from my buddy @ myspace

American Red Cross Is NOT The Only One Who Needs Support

2005-11-16T23:56:00.000-08:00

i am coordinating this year's holiday party for the company i work for. and let me tell you... it sucks. i didn't think it was gonna be this much work. but it has turned into yet another project i shouldn't be taking on. not like i don't have a million other things to do for my department, this is just taking on a life of its own. i've mentioned before that i work for a non-profit agency, which pretty much means.... NO money allocated for a holiday party for its employees. well, they have a budgget for it, but it's minimal. this year, it's $800... um yeah... i said EIGHT HUNDRED dollars. with over 150 employees, what the fuck kind of party do they expect? so now my ass is fundraising to have a decent party. and let me tell you, it's hard as shit to get people to help a bitch out. i mean, i am planning this party to show appreciation for all the hardwork, dedication, and community efforts the employees do year round, but i do need support. i get a lot of support from the usual "team players", but the rest is pretty much, "i'm busy" or "i have an excuse for why i can't help... let me just pull it out of my ass". if i'm a SINGLE mother of 3 daughters and have time to volunteer my "free" time to help support a cause, you single mu'fuckas with no kids can do it too! so far we've raised some serious money, but it would be much easier if i didn't have to beg people for additional help. what does help is that i have this super duper assistant and she pretty much coordinates everything for me... she's the shiznit... i love that girl. she researches everything for me and pretty much got all of this fundraiser stuff rolling. hopefully we can reach our goals and have a successful party. i'll keep you posted, it's pissing me off just writing about this bullshit.

Georgia On My Mind

2005-11-15T14:01:00.000-08:00

i have a job offer in georgia that has been on my mind lately. while hawaii is my my home, and i love this frickin' place, i will never obtain the specific goals i set forth for myself if i continue to live here. i'm a single monster... by choice... and plan on staying that way for a while. if you're single and live in hawaii, home ownership is far out of reach, um renting an apartment/townhome/house is pretty damn expensive as well. even if you're a dual income household it's out of reach. the median home, 3 BR/1.5 bath, can range from 350K - 525K depending on the location... yup, hundreds of thousands of dollars. and i ain't finna work my ass off just to pay a mortgage. i can be living MTV cribs style in the "states".
so i get a call from the employer back in GA, he and his partner is on the line, they both tell me they want me to do this job for them and are raising the stakes. they're willing to pay for my moving expenses as well as a "sign on" bonus. not to mention my comparable salary i get here (while the salary is good here, it's hella good in GA... cost of living folks) AND a commission option. that offer is looking pretty damn good right about now.
my only problem? my dad's retiring at the end of the year and planning to venture in to a business in the phillipines. this will have my mother alone most of the time. and if i leave she will be quite lonely and may go insane. i love my mama and fear that leaving her will have her kinda resent me. she is very close with my youngest daughter, that's her road dawg, and if i go they go. see my problem?
but i do have to live MY life.
i don't know what to do at this point.
i'm lost.